HORSEMAN’S DICTIONARY
Auction - A social gathering where you can change a horse from a
financial liability into a liquid asset.
Barn Sour - An affliction common to horse people in northern climates
during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing
wheelbarrows
through snow, and beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring
this
condition on rapidly.
Big Name Trainer – a cult leader. Horse owners follow them blindly,
will gladly sell their homes, spend their children’s college funds and
their
IRA’s to support them, because they have a direct link to “The Most
High Ones”
(judges).
Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through a marshy
area. Also
used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water
puddles.
Colic - The result of eating at the food stands at horse shows.
Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly. (also
see
Filly)
Contracted foot - The involuntary reflex of curling one’s toes up
right
before a horse steps on your foot.
Corn - small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of
cowboy
boots.
Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he
administers mineral oil to his horse.
Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs
away with
you.
Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper
posture
while your horse tries to crow-hop, shy, and buck his way around a
show ring.
Feed - Expensive substance used in the manufacture of large quantities of
manure.
Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something
to chew on, scratch against, and jump over (see breeding).
Filly - What your mare always gives you when you want a colt.
Flea-bitten - A condition of the lower extremities in horse owners
who
also own dogs and cats.
Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck
you
off, or knock you over because he cannot be punished.
Founder - The discovery of your loose mare somewhere other than
where she
belongs. “Hey, honey, I found ‘er.”
Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the
barn
Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
Girth Sores- Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of
mid-section by fashionably large western belt buckles.
Green Broke - The color of the face of the person who has just gotten
the
training bill from the ‘Big Name Trainer.’
Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one’s horse and
applying it to your own body.
Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold
down lawn
chairs and show bills.
Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing,
especially in unmentionable places.
Head Shy - A reluctance to use the public restrooms at a horse show.
Always applies to pit toilets.
Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots
while working
in the barn.
Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after foot has
been
stepped on by a horse.
Hock - The financial condition of a horse owner.
Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool used to remove hardened dog
doody
from the treads of your tennis shoes.
Horse shoes - Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to
throw.