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Aptavani-9
destroyed. How can it be destroyed when the one who is
destroying it will be destroyed? How can one kill one’s own
self? Do you understand that? So I covered that maan and dealt
with it as much as I could and let the days pass.
Frightful heat of anger in reaction to
obstruction of pride
I did not have any greed from my very childhood. But I
had tremendous maan and therefore the anger that comes along
with it.
Questioner: Does that mean that you would get very
angry at the slightest interference if your maan was hurt,
restricted or obstructed?
Dadashri: Even the slightest of agitation in that respect
would incite such anger in me that people around me would
tremble with fear. That anger was so intense that it would cause
the other person to ‘burn’ also! The anger was that bad,
because there was no other greed, only the greed for this
respect (maan). Prior to Gnan, if the anger ever erupted, it
would ‘kill’ the victim on the spot. One Sikh almost died; I had
to go and pacify him in order to turn things around.
So that was the state ‘we’ were in. At home there was
hardly any money, only this superficial pompousness. And
because of that, there were endless difficulties and worries.
The Ego before and after Gnan
What would people around me say? ‘He is a very happy
man!’ I had a contract business; money flowed in and out. I had
lot of love towards people and people could see it in my eyes;
they said I was God-like. They said I was very happy! People
thought I was a happy man but I used to worry incessantly. One
day I could not sleep because I could not stop worrying. So I
‘wrapped’ my worries in a ‘package’, did a vidhi on it with
some mantras and placed it between two pillows and went off