Aptavani-9 Aptavani-9 | Page 25

and more information from the scriptures, his suspicion increases more and more; once he reaches a stage of ‘I don’t know anything’, he is ready for real knowledge. The knowledge that gets rid of kashayas i.e. anger, greed, pride, deceit, is real knowledge; it is Gnan. Where there is suspicion, there is agony. The sign of knowing the Soul is a permanent suspicion free state. To have suspicion is to have an awareness of a kind, ‘Did I do this or did someone else do it?’ To have such a suspicion is called higher awareness. ‘I became engrossed (with the relative-self)’, this suspicion that occurs after Self-realization is also a form of awareness of knowledge. In the final stage there prevails, at all times, an awareness of: ‘I never become tanmayakar (engrossed) at all.’ In Gnani Purush’s state, all the worldly interactions are done by the pudgal, the relative self and He remains vitarag (detached). In spite of interacting with the world at every moment, for Him there is no intense mental note (nondha) of anything. One’s vision becomes muddy when an intense mental note (nondha) is made. Always seen in the eyes of the Gnani Purush is vitaragata, a state of freedom from all attachments. Where there is true love, there is no intense mental note (nondha). Where there is no intense mental note, there is a tension free state! The worldly love is the love that keeps intense mental notes, it is known as attraction-fondness (aasakti). Love that vacillates; love that goes up and down is called infatuation only. The moment one says ‘This is what you said to me that day!’ is regarded as keeping an intense mental note and as a result, one’s love will vanish. By keeping such a note about the wife who is considered to be your own, will result in turning a loving life in to a poisonous one. First comes into one’s conviction (pratiti) the opinion of 24