Gary ’ s Grins By GARY NEWBORE
Bubba walked into a doctor ’ s office and the receptionist asked him what he had . Bubba said “ shingles .” She wrote down his name , address , medical insurance number and asked him to have a seat . Fifteen minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had . “ Shingles ,” replied Bubba . She wrote down his height , weight and medical history and took him into the examining room . A half an hour later the doctor come in and asked Bubba what he had . “ Shingles ,” replied Bubba . The doctor asked “ Where ”? Bubba said , “ Outside in the truck . Where do you want me to dump them ?”
Cletus ’ s wife Bessie had pulled off to the side of the highway and was putting flowers in front and back of the car . A passerby stopped and asked if she was having car problems . Bessie replied , “ I got a flat tare .” The passerby then asked “ But what ’ s with all the flowers ?” Bessie replied “ When you break down , they tell
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you to put flares in front and behind your car . I never did understand it neither .”
A sheriff pulled up to a redneck unloading garbage out of his truck and throwing it into the roadside ditch . The sheriff asked “ Can ’ t you see that sign right over your head ?” The redneck said “ Sure , it says ‘ Fine for dumping garbage .’” You know you are a redneck if : Your boat has not left your driveway in over 15 years . You ’ ve used your ironing board as a buffet table . Your house doesn ’ t have curtains , but your truck does . You have a rag for a gas cap . You have a complete set of salad bowls that all say Cool Whip on the side .
The biggest city you have ever been to is Walmart .
You missed your fifth grade graduation because you were on jury duty .
You consider your license plate personal because your father made it .
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold .
You can entertain yourself for 20 minutes with a flyswatter .
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Sunshine Services By JOAN VEDDER
Please bring items back in the same shape as when you borrowed them OK , by now you ’ re getting used to Daylight Savings time . Despite the hoopla that
VEDDER many people want it gone forever , I grew up with it and I like the extra daylight — just sayin ’.
There are a few things I ’ d like to address this month :
The ice storm recently led to many “ ankle ” injuries , broken and sprained . Several of you borrowed our knee scooters to assist with mobility . One such client spoke to me recently about the one she borrowed . Whoever had used it prior
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( not connected to the ice storm in timing ) had decided to use a lot of duct tape to wrap around a comfort pillow and sheepskin covering . She removed it as best she could , and purchased a new sheepskin because the other one was now ruined ! Please understand that the equipment we loan you should be returned exactly as you found it . Do not change it . I personally made the small pillows that are beneath the sheepskin covers so that you would experience greater comfort in your knee . What more could you ask for ? Knee scooters are very expensive and covers are extra . Being able to borrow such a fine piece of equipment saves you a lot of money — please don ’ t abuse the privilege .
And , while on the subject of ankle injuries , do you know that we have several of the small , on-the-floor , exercise bicycles ? You can stay seated in your favorite chair and just peddle your way back to strength !
We have found a very helpful local resident who is willing to assist Charbonneau residents with
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small chores for a small fee of $ 20 per hour , satisfaction guaranteed ! My first thought of his offer was about safety in your home ! How many of you have installed “ safety bars ” by your shower or bathtub ? I ’ m meeting a lot of folks who are ‘ thinking ’ about it but haven ’ t done it yet . I ’ m also meeting people who wish they had done it , after they slipped and fell ! Call me and I ’ d be happy to put you in touch with this wonderful fellow .
No longer need equipment that was given to you by a doctor or hospital ? As always , we will accept many items if you wish to donate them to Sunshine . However , we cannot take items considered ‘ personal .’ FYI — when we already have enough items in our own stockpile , I can still find homes for them . Currently we work in conjunction with Medical Teams International , which welcome such things as walkers , crutches , wheelchairs , etc . They do not accept shower and bath equipment . In fact , almost nobody does . Feel free to investigate these places on your own .
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