Your goal is to achieve having a partner that is“ your other half”- Someone to be strong when you need to be weak and someone you can be strong for when they need you to be strong. That cannot happen if one feels like a martyr, like they ' re the only“ super parent” or if they feel they ' re being used as a babysitter and a maid( Or, heck, all three). Now that you ' ve planned this discussion, what is it, exactly, that you talk about? It is often easy to start off with a little thing. Something you know you can do and you know your partner can do. Often, it can be a tiny, but annoying little habit they have that, if only they would stop, it would be one less frown in the day. It really doesn ' t have to be a big thing. In my case, it turned out that my wife and I each had a habit that really bugged the other: Me, I would leave cupboard doors open all the time – It drove my wife absolutely batty. My wife, she would leave a damp towel on the bed, after a shower – It made my skin crawl. Just changing those two little annoying habits, which certainly didn ' t seem like a big deal to each of us, ended up making a very pleasant change in our daily lives. If this sounds simplistic, it is because it is: Human beings tend to resist change – They resist it even more when it is someone else asking the change; This is why it is important to not only start small, but be equally willing to make a similar change. You are not only showing your partner that it is possible, but you are showing yourself that it is possible – and that it has positive results. It is also necessary to get off your chest that which weighs on you most often. Frequently, it is the feeling that one partner contributes more to the marriage. It can be hard to get this across, without sounding like an accusation or like nagging. It is both the words you choose, as well as your tone that makes the difference. For example, saying“ I am doing all the bloody work around here. I cook, I clean, I stay up with our daughter all night, I go to all the doctors appointments and what do you do? You sit your hind end on the chair and drink beer!” Is very different from“ I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. From my perspective, I do an awful lot around the home: I cook and clean for our family, I stay up with our daughter at night, so you can get to work in the morning and I go to all the doctors appointments. It feels to me like your work day ends at five o ' clock, when you get home, but mine seems to have no end – I ' m not saying that I ' m putting more into the marriage, but I have to admit, there are times, especially after a rough day, when I do sometimes feel that way”
At the end of the day, both partners are facing – and dealing with – daily stresses that most people absolutely could not handle. That fact alone should be enough to make you look at your partner and think“ I ' m going to make him smile, today, no matter what!”- It should warm your heart and make you think“ She ' s obviously just had a really bad day – I ' m going to turn this evening into something she ' ll remember forever with a smile!” Because, folks, you chose your partner: Your partner chose you: You are both raising an Angelman child together and that, even though this has so many worries, frustrations and terrible moments also has many, many moments of joy, triumph and pride.
TO BE CONTINUED … September edition
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WWW. ANGELMANTODAY. COM JULY / AUGUST 2013 | Angelman Today