12
THE MESSAGE. BRINGING INTO FOCUS FILIPINO PRESENCE IN AUSTRALIA
www.kalatas.com.au | Volume 7 Number 1 | OCTOBER 2016
EDITORIAL & OPINION
HUMMING IN MY UNIVERSE
On becoming an adult
O
ften, we look at
children and wish
they would never
grow up. They
seem perfect as
they are — cute, lovable, with
innocence so pure you wish
you could protect them from
the world so that they remain
so forever. We want them kept
safe from the turmoil and
tribulations of life. We wish it
could be possible. But life is
not meant to be lived that way.
Every grown-up has a
clear memory of when and
how their innocence was
broken, when their childhood
came to an end. We have
all experienced that primal
pain of being kicked out of
Paradise and thrown into the
circumstances of our own
space and time, our own
reality with all its pain and
suffering.
I lost a chunk of my
innocence at age five when
my dad died in a plane crash.
Many more events happened
after that which made going
back to Eden an impossibility.
Something had to “break”
us to drive us out of our safe
cocoons and force us to be
vulnerable to pain. Today, as
a much older person, I can
say that this is the only way.
Otherwise, what gifts we were
born with will never come to
fruition.
Childhood is a magical
place. We all have some good
and bad childhood memories.
But this stage doesn’t last
too long. It gets rougher
especially when we inch
into adolescence. The teen
years escalate our angst and
insecurities as we evolve into
grown-ups.
But being grown-up
does not necessarily mean
being an adult. We may look
like adults because of the
size and development of our
bodies, and because we have
reached a certain age. But in
truth, adulthood requires so
much more from us. One of
the things it requires is control
over our selves. There is an
entire range of emotions we
must rein in and/or indulge
when needed. We also must
learn to delay gratification
and get socialized, meaning
we must learn to live as
productive, peaceful, lawabiding and generally good
individuals, parents, citizens,
bread earners, members of the
community and the society we
live in.
We must learn important
traits like compassion,
decisiveness and discernment.
There are also lessons like
accountability, grasping
complexity, humility and the
taming of our ego from the
autocracy of our infantile
stage to a more functional one
that does not sabotage our
intentions. Many leaders make
mistakes when they cannot
control their insecurities and
their toxic need to have their
egos massaged.
Adulthood is about
being in control of oneself,
and making conscious,
well-thought-out decisions
that affect others aside
from ourselves and taking
responsibility for them.
I am in awe of how the
most powerful man on earth,
Barack Obama, can stay calm
and focused and do his job
well without being ruffled
or intimidated by the cruel
politi cs, crises and problems
he must deal with every day,
and how he can still manage
to smile and stay inspired and
inspiring. When he deals with
his adversaries, it often seems
like he is the only adult in the
room.
The modern-day
philosopher Ken Wilber wrote
that every man must learn to
balance and manage five areas
of his life. These are: money
(earning, spending, saving and
being trustworthy and honest,
living within one’s means);
career or work (knowledge,
learning, passion, reliability);
bodily intake (food, drugs,
alcohol, substances that affect
physical, mental health); inner
work (character building,
self-control, spirituality,
esthetic appreciation); and
relationships (love, sex,
obsession, affection, fidelity,
compassion).
Most people are weak in
one area but are functional in
the rest, which is, generally,
still manageable. But when we
fail at two or more areas at the
same time, our lives become
too dysfunctional and we need
intervention.
If, for the most part, we
can handle all five areas at the
same time, one might say we
have reached a high level of
adulthood.
Everyone goes through
the childhood phase, and if
we don’t die early, we grow
up. But not everyone who
grows up becomes an adult.
Just look around and observe
many grown-ups and older
people.
So what happens when
we get to old age and
have not reached the level
of adulthood? I am not a
psychologist but I see people
as either happy or unhappy.
What I observe is this:
Grown-ups and old people
who have not learned the
ways of adulthood become
trapped in an unhappy life
of their own making, pulled
and pushed aimlessly by
unsettled personal issues,
and uncontrolled emotional
outbursts. Where they should
have generally made peace
with their past and present,
they have unexplained bursts
of anger, regret, bitterness
and a feeling of being lost
in a largely unexamined life.
They are cynical and angry
and often lash out at the world
without realizing that in order
to control the world, one must
first have some degree of selfcontrol.
On the other hand, there
are people who seem happy,
calm, who have grown in
wisdom, age and grace. They
have the passion to do things
and dreams to accomplish,
even at an older age. They
are not lacking in purpose.
Every day, they discover new
meanings and connections
that make their lives richer.
They have a calm, cool and
serene way about them, too.
More importantly, they
have a great sense of selfacceptance. They can move on
from the past and are at peace
and accepting of who they
are in the present. They can
move on when they commit
mistakes and look back at
their blunders and folly and
embrace them as teachable
moments.
It is not easy being an
adult. It takes conscious and
deliberate inner work. But
not achieving adulthood as
one gets older guarantees an
infinitely more difficult life.
As we age, we realize
more and more that we are
spending more time alone. We
might as well start growing up
and learning how to be good,
pleasant company.
JIM PAREDES is a multifaceted creative. He sings,
composes, writes articles and books, teaches at the
Ateneo De Manila University, designs and facilitates
workshops. He is a writer of books, a widely read
columnist for the Sunday Life section of Philippine
Star, and a well-known photographer.
PROOF OF LIFE
The crossroads
I
Opinion pieces
are all welcome.
Ang Kalatas does not
necessarily share the
views of the writers.
always thought that
everyone, at one point in
their lifetime, will have
to fight their own big
fight; that for life to go
on as you know it, you will
have to commit yourselves
entirely, wholeheartedly to a
key decision that would have
defined the rest of their lives.
It will leave us standing at a
crossroads, with one path
predictable and safe, and the
other path fraught with peril. It
is a monumental decision that
leaves us being pulled in all
directions.
My folks, being the
very nostalgic type, used to
recount stories of how my
grandparents lived through
the horrors of World War II.
Their home was a castle no
more – they had to commit
themselves to the idea that
life was not as they knew it. In
my parents’ lives, this moment
A a photographer,
As
ph
I am drawn to the
romantic
notions of truth, beauty and
ma
d
goodness
in people – however unlike a
g
dn
photographer, I feel I must not just watch
watc
from the sidelines and interact.
came when they decided to
fight for their country in the
fight of their time – the EDSA
revolution. The time came
and they banded themselves
under an idea that couldn’t be
killed by bullets or fear. One
had to choose to be there, and
they rightly did so.
One could say that our
generation is feeling the
struggle of standing at a
crossroads. We have family
members and friends who
have turned against each
other because of our political
Ang Kalatas is published every first Saturday of the month circulated in
various parts of NSW. News articles, opinions, syndication and columnists
do not necessarily reflect the views and opinion of the publisher and editors
of Ang Kalatas and are solely theirs. All editorial and advertising materials
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editorial standards and discretion. All rights reserved.
views. Our Facebook feeds are
a constant battle, an endless
push and pull between
perceived right and perceived
wrong. It is draining and
heartbreaking, as all we want
is what we feel is the best
medicine to heal our sick
country.
As the winds of change
are picking up and the tides
of fate have set us on a dark
path, one must realise that
our fight is one of morality.
One must ask themselves if
this is how we want things
MILLIE MARCIAL-PHILLIPS
Publisher/Managing Editor
TITUS FILIO
Editor
to be, if this is the world we
want to leave for the next
set of people who will come
along and write about us in
their history books. Internally
I was being pulled in different
directions myself. I also get
caught up in the ebb and flow
of today’s political climate; in
the fight between good and
evil, between the government
and its own watchmen,
between people against
themselves.
But as a phot ographer,
I am drawn to the romantic
notions of truth, beauty and
goodness in people – however
unlike a photographer, I feel I
must not just watch from the
sidelines and interact. It is a
burning feeling that action is
better than inaction, that we
are inching closer and closer
to a decision that will leave us
choosing to down one path or
another.
Hi, I’m Mio - A photographer first, and a motorcyclist
a close second; You can find me cruising down endless
country roads chasing sunsets around Sydney. A
curious mind, and forever a student of life.
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