American Chordata: Magazine of New Writing Issue One, Spring 2015 | Seite 25

7 • FI CTION

“Do you not want to go?” he asks, and then continues, “Why
wouldn’t you want to go? The party’s on a boat.”
Carson is thinking about balloons and beers and a boatful of
friends, but I am thinking about seasickness and silent looks and
the lack of walls and exits.
“Why don’t you want to go?” he asks.
We are entering a positive feedback loop, which aggravates emotional distress in a negative way so that emotions grow further
distressed.
I kick the shoe off my foot. “I just want to be with people who
love me before they love you.”
“My friends do love you.”
“But they love you more.”
“So what? They’ve known me longer.”
“I just want someone who’s on my side,” I say.
He crosses his arms. “Since when are we picking sides?”
“I don’t know,” I say, confused because suddenly we are standing
on opposite sides.
“Why would we need to pick sides?”
I think of an earthquake, a plague, a kickball game