American Chordata: Magazine of New Writing Issue One, Spring 2015 | Page 24

That was almost two years ago. When I ask him about the
pancakes now, he says he prefers savory breakfast over sweet. Living with another person, you learn that so much of what you thought
you knew about him is actually untrue. This is one of the risks of
living together that I had not considered.
Carson says that either way, we need to give living together a
chance. That is part of evolution. Without evolution, there is only
extinction.
Sometimes I look at him and wonder what I would do if he
died. If I died, I know what he would do. He would spend a few
weeks or months climbing mountains, and on top of the mountains,
he would write poems for me. Eventually, he would become a celebrated poet with a heartbreaking history. This would be its own
happy ending. But if Carson died, I would be stranded.
This is unfair, and I am entirely to blame.
6 • FI CTION

One of the things you have to prepare for when you move into a
small space with someone you love is the possibility—or rather,
certainty—that you will fight. Here are some of the things you
might fight about: closet space, washing dishes, things you think
you saw that resembled mice but you can’t be sure if you really saw
them, fruit flies, milk expiration dates, curtains versus blinds, headache remedies, and the point at which a healthy interest in neighbors becomes nosiness or paranoia.
Carson and I could have fought about any one of those things,
but we have worked through this by using I statements, compromise,
and negative feedback loops that de-escalate emotional tension in
a positive way.
What we fight about is more difficult to define. It springs up
from somewhere unknown and discolors everything that has come
before.
“Are we only pretending to be nice?” I ask.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says. “We don’t
have time for this. We’re supposed to be there at seven.”
I put on one shoe but pause in front of the other. “If you don’t
want me to go, you shouldn’t feel the need to invite me.”