practical living
I’ve loved sitting and listening to life stories,
to people talk about their life.
“It’s about humanity. Listening to other
people’s stories and valuing whatever it is
they want to share is hugely important. And
I enjoy working in palliative care. It can be
sad, but I also think it’s about humanity,
and not turning away when people need
someone to be there and see that they’re
still a person.”
The volunteers spend time with the
terminally ill patients, normally between
four and six visits, and record each
conversation. They then transcribe and edit
the stories to the subject’s liking, adding
photos, then printing and binding the story
into a book the family can take home.
The process of making these biographies
can act as a form of therapy for people in
palliative care.
Boxing
“My dad, who was in both World Wars,
did a bit of boxing in his army days.
So, he was interested in boxing. When
I started work, I used to go to a gym
where there were different soldiers and
sailors coming in training. They’d teach
me a few different punches and that. [I
had one fight that I won] with me left
jabs. I was lucky. I won on points. The
next morning, I woke up and my hand
was all swollen. I had to go to the doctor
and get tetanus needles. I decided this
is too rough a game. If you’ve got to go
like that, I think I’ll go cane-cutting. That
ended my boxing days.
My dad was proud I’d won my fight; he
was telling everyone on the bus going
home. He wouldn’t let me carry my
bag with my togs and that in it. It made
his day. I’ll never forget it. He thought
it was wonderful. That was the end of
my boxing career. I still owe my trainer
five bob.”
Telling one’s life story to a stranger, like
Don, can give people something to look
forward to, give them the pleasure of
conversation with someone interested in
them, and help them to reflect on the good
times they have lived.
Christine thinks Norm’s sessions with
Don “opened him up” and allowed him to
face some of the philosophical questions
that come with mortality.
“I think being able to talk freely with
Don about his life made it easier for him
to talk to me and discuss the funeral
arrangements,” she says.
Christine
“I met Christine when I was working
for Davis Van Lines in 1975 ... We were
standing on the loading dock when she
arrived to start work. Boy, she had on
a little mini dress. I said to my big Irish
mate, Tom Beattie, “Get a load of that.
What a good sort!” Never thinking that
we’d be married…”
Reconnection
“One day I got a phone call at Davis’.
They called me in and said, “You’re
wanted on the phone.” I lifted the phone
and it was Chris. She said, “I’m just
ringing to check on you.” From there we
just started to see each other. I won the
lottery. It was 1994 when Chris phoned,
and we married in 1996. So that’s 25
years together. She says she’s known me
for 42 years, but that’s probably because
we worked together. She’s a great kid,
and nothing’s a hassle…”
“Norm talked to me about his life and
getting the biography done [and that lead
to a] discussion about how he wanted to
leave this world.”
Christine says the only thing Norm
couldn’t decide on was what to do with
his ashes. But one decision he did make
was to forgo the usual flowers atop the
coffin, choosing instead an arrangement of
vegetables – he loved to spend time in his
veggie patch.
Norm also used the biography as
an opportunity to leave a piece of
himself behind for his children and
grandchildren.
“You could ring up my grandkids now
and say, ‘What do you remember about
Pa?’ And they’d say, ‘Oh, his handshake.’
“He would always tell the boys, especially
the boys, ‘Always give someone a good
firm handshake and look them in the eye’,”
Christine says.
Compiling his life story, reflecting on all
he’d done, helped Norm exorcise some
demons. He had a family prior to his life
with Christine, she tells me, and passing on
some wisdom to his grandkids was a way
to make amends for times when, perhaps,
he wasn’t the best father.
“Sometimes, things he wouldn’t normally
say to me in a conversation – you know,
raw emotions and feelings – he would
actually say to Don, and then they’re put
into words,” Christine says.
Don was drawn to this volunteer role
as he faced a similar experience when his
wife died of breast cancer. He also felt well
placed to give back given his experience
as a nurse.
“I was a mental health nurse when I
worked, and I worked in general practices a
lot,” he says. “So, I saw a lot of people with
chronic disease and some with terminal
illness, and I saw how they struggled
when they knew that perhaps things were
coming towards the end.
“Also, my wife had breast cancer and
died about 12 years ago, and I saw her
struggle over how to leave something
behind and all of that sort of stuff.
“When I heard about the biography
service, I just went, yes, this is the answer.
I was used to talking with people about
distressing things at difficult stages of their
life, so it’s somewhat easier to sit there and
listen to people talk about their fondest
memories. And I’ve never laughed so much
as with some of these people – they tell
some pretty funny stories.”
The biography program has benefits
for the friends and families of the
subjects as well, and Christine says it
often allowed her to nip out and have
some time to herself for an hour. The
experience also brought her and Norm
closer together.
“It brings back a lot of memories for the
person as they’re talking about it. Once
Don was gone, Norm would still speak
for an hour or so with me afterwards,
just discussing or remembering things,”
she says.
The biography service has given
Christine something to look back on when
she misses Norm, and made a tough time a
little easier for them both.
“It gave Norm something to look forward
to each week,” she says.
“It made him positive. His memory was
great. He remembered things, and he and
Don would just laugh with all the stories,”
she says.
“It definitely helped me, and his family.
The grandchildren and the kids have
the biography, and they read it. They all
knew he was dying, and it just changed
everyone’s emotions. Now that they’ve got
copies of the biography, they can just sit
and read it. I’ve read it many times. I find it
a comfort.” ■
A good life
“I have been truly blessed with those
that have entered my life over the years,
for good or for bad. I may not be rich in
terms of dollars, but I am extremely rich
in wonderful memories.”
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