practical living
and that they want to be able to empower and support their staff
to be able to do the right thing, to be able to better support the
needs of the people they’ve been trusted to care for and support
in their facilities. That’s a good starting point.
In terms of family, it’s always difficult, because often it may be
that the father, or the mother, is in an aged care facility and the
adult offspring are like, “Oh no.” They don’t see them as sexually
active human beings. No one wants to think about their parents
or their grandparents as sexual human beings or having sex. Of
course, there are difficulties, but the important thing to remember
is that it’s always about consent, and no one can consent on
behalf of another person in terms of sexual touch or activity.
Obviously, there are issues sometimes in terms of financial
guardianship and things like that, and it is a very sensitive thing.
It’s a thing that a lot of people haven’t spoken about before, but
it is good that there’s more and more media. There are more and
more discussions in the community and in these organisations
and settings around: How do we sensitively talk about this and
support people’s needs and maintain their dignity, and maintain
everyone’s confidentiality and privacy and do it in a humane,
caring, supportive environment?
How do you address your services to those who are in
wheelchairs or have mobility issues?
People who utilise wheelchairs are sexual human beings just like
anyone else. The first thing that’s important is that you ask. The
individual person who may be in front of me, who is my client,
knows their body best. The other training that Touching Base
does is the Professional Disability Awareness Training, which we
deliver for sex workers. We always talk about ‘when in doubt, just
ask’. They’ve lived with their bodies their whole lives. They know
their mobility limitations. They know how much pressure is good
and what’s not good. They know about their mobility range,
about being able to move legs in a certain direction or how far.
They know if someone can weight-bear or not.
It’s important to have open communication. In NSW sex
workers work under the best reform, which is decriminalisation.
It’s the best legal parameters, so we can openly talk about our
services. Sex work in Australia is a legally recognised occupation,
and each state and territory has different legal parameters, and
decriminalisation is the best.
What issues crop up when the elderly discuss sex and intimacy?
By the time someone who is more mature or elderly is discussing
topics like sex and intimacy with me, they’ve already had to jump
through a number of hoops to be able to have that conversation.
If there’s a third person or third parties who are supporting
someone either through communication or through mobility
issues, then, yeah, we’re already halfway there. Like I said before,
it can be very confronting or difficult for the elderly to start
talking about their sexual needs and their sexual expression and
what they would like.
You have to remember that the people who are currently living
in aged care facilities, in nursing homes, and who are just in that
same demographic bracket in society, were brought up in a time
where sex wasn’t really discussed. We have to be really aware of
that and not just expect everyone to know the lingo that’s on the
street now which the younger generations are using. We have to
be mindful of how people like to phrase things or talk about things.
Once again, it’s about the staff and the support networks
around them being able to give them good opportunities and
openings, and to check their own prejudices and belief system
at the door. And if you’re working in that kind of setting, that
you give people the opportunity in a dignified, supportive and
compassionate way to be able to open up and have these
conversations, and to know that they can be trusted to be able to
have these conversations in confidence.
Finally, what’s the feedback been like from elderly clients or
aged care staff?
My clients who are in that demographic are very happy. Certainly,
with Touching Base, with the inquiry form for the referral list for
sex workers, a number of much older people have started using
that form. It’s on our website so people can fill it in.
Obviously, the sex workers on our referral list are happy, willing
and able to see people with disability, but they are not the be-all
and end-all. They just want our members at Touching Base who
have put their names forward to say, “Yes, I already see people in
this sector of society. I’m really happy to be referred.”
We encourage people to use Google as well – “escort Sydney
disability” is a simple Google search. Local newspapers, not so
much anymore, but sometimes people use the Yellow Pages.
Sometimes through referrals as well and friends. I’ve definitely had
referrals from one client to another.
Generally, people have been very happy. We do understand
that it’s a brave new world. It’s an industry and an occupation that
people may never have engaged with before. The best way is just
open communication. Once again, in the workshop that Touching
Base does, the Service Provider Awareness Training, we talk about
how to assist someone in being able to set up an appointment,
how to talk to a sex worker, what do sex workers look like,
and what do we provide? We break it down so that it’s not just
heteronormative as well, so sex workers are of all genders.
We also have to be aware that clients are of all genders. We
shouldn’t just be looking out for older men in aged care thinking
that, “Oh, well, maybe one of them would like a sex worker,”
because maybe people of other genders in the aged care facilities
are also wanting sexual intimacy and to explore their sexual
expression.
One thing people need to consider is privacy. Not everyone
in the aged care facility needs to know who I am or that I am a
sex worker. For the individual who is paying me for the services,
we have to remember that this is their home, this is their private
space, and it doesn’t matter if I’m going in there to play chess or
provide sexual services. Everyone else in the facility does not need
to give permission.
Another thing people need to consider is that there are no locks
on the doors, or staff may be in a hurry and don’t knock. What
happens when I want to go in there and we want to have private
time together for an hour or two hours? It is important to be able
to have a sign on the door to indicate there’s a session in progress.
That can be incorporated into other things, like if someone has a
podiatrist there or someone is getting a massage. These privacy
policies and practices need to be looked at so people aren’t just
barging into other people’s places.
Also, some people may be early morning risers, and some may
be up late. I’ve heard things before such as “no visitors after 10pm”.
Well, for some people, maybe that’s the time they would like to
see a sex worker. How do people incorporate that?
I think it’s just about looking at individual needs, treating people
with respect and dignity, having open communication, and
understanding that it’s all based on consent between adults. ■
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