practical living
Rachel Wotton. Photo: Supplied
and caring for, but what happens most of the time is that people
are too scared or unsure or shy about bringing up their sexual
needs and being able to have a bit of assistance for their sexual
expression. When it does come up, Touching Base often finds out
because people get in a flap about it: What do we do about this?
We have no policies. How do we deal with this?
Our sexual expression and desires, and the need for intimacy
with another human being, doesn’t just stop because we’re getting
older or we’re in an aged care facility.
What should people know about sex work and aged care?
Justify my love
Why allowing sex workers in aged care
facilities is a valid proposition.
Rachel Wotton interviewed by Megan Tran
S
ex and intimacy are now more openly spoken about in
residential care, but what happens when older adults and
those with disability want access to sex workers?
“People forget that we’re all getting older, but that doesn’t mean
our sexual desire and the need for intimacy with another human
being should stop,” sex worker Rachel Wotton says.
Wotton helped set up the charitable organisation Touching
Base, which developed out of the need to facilitate a connection
between people with disability and sex workers. It focuses on
topics such as access, discrimination, human rights and the
attitudinal barriers that these two marginalised communities face.
She says those in residential or community care may find
gaps in their lives where they are still sexually active and crave
special companionship, and there shouldn’t be barriers to restrict
something that is a mutually consenting adult activity.
Another sex worker, Emma Arvo, says her practice today is
geared almost entirely towards men over the age of 60, with
many in their 70s and a number in their 80s and 90s.
“Having clients of such seniority, most are close to the end
of their lives when I am called in to offer some intimacy and
comfort. As such, I have experienced the loss of clients at this end
stage of their lives as I would the loss of a friend,” Arvo says.
Wotton and Arvo agree that sexual expression should be part
of the holistic approach to the wellbeing of people in aged care,
particularly for those with forms of dementia.
Arvo says nursing home staff should provide support by
outlining a resident’s needs, such as issues around their mobility
and cognitive capacity.
“[Sexual freedom] should be a life-affirming part of caring for
seniors,” Arvo says. “Feedback from nursing home staff that I have
spoken with affirms my belief that such intimate experiences
provide a calming and centred influence.”
Aged Care Insite spoke with Wotton to find out more about her
work in aged care.
ACI: What are the common questions that workers in this
field hear?
RW: The people that work in the aged care sector sometimes
do get lots of questions from the people that they’re supporting
18 agedcareinsite.com.au
Well, sex work and paying for the services of a sex worker is an
individual choice. It won’t be for everyone, but just like anyone in
the general community, it should be there as an option.
For some people in aged care facilities, they could have been
with their partner for 50 years and then their partner passes away
and they’re just feeling that real gap in their lives: they don’t get
held, they don’t get any touch, they may still be sexually active.
They still want sexual expression.
For some people, some of the time, being able to employ a sex
worker to provide those services, that intimacy, that connectivity,
that kind of special companionship, should be an option. We should
work hard to make sure there aren’t barriers in place to restrict access
to something that is a mutually consenting adult activity. People in
the aged care setting are adults and should be able to explore their
sexual expression just like anyone else.
Can you tell us about the concept of skin hunger?
I’ve spoken about skin hunger before on Conversations with
Richard Fidler (ABC Radio) which you can still download. There’s
now a podcast. Also, Carly Findlay interviewed me a number of
years ago after hearing that podcast about skin hunger. It’s about
that desire for connectivity and skin on skin connection.
The care staff and the support staff do a wonderful job in
aged care facilities, and if people need assistance with dressing,
undressing, washing, then they’re working within the parameters
of their professional working life. It’s a different kind of touch
when someone like myself comes in and spends intimate quality
time with someone where we see someone holistically as the full
person. It’s not just about this concept that people have – penis
and vagina, ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’. Sex workers offer a
range of different services, and people’s sexual needs and desires
are very different as well.
I’ve talked a lot about spooning, and sometimes that’s just about
being held, or someone holding you, and feeling the warmth
of another human being, feeling their heartbeat, feeling their
breathing. Sometimes it’s more about sexual touch. There’s a
whole range of things we can enjoy with our clients.
How do you deal with the issue of family or staff members who
are unsure of how to cope with visits from sex workers?
The best thing, if we’re talking about aged care facilities, is for
the different organisations and businesses to have very clear,
concise policies and procedures. These set clear, professional
parameters for the staff about what their rights and responsibilities
are. Touching Base has developed a workshop that we deliver
to the disability and aged care sectors. It’s called Service
Provider Awareness Training. All the details are on our website,
touchingbase.org.
We’re delighted that some people and some organisations in the
aged care sector have recognised that this is a gap in their policies,