bullying
What is bullying
• Bullying is an intentional act. The child
who bullies wants to harm the victim; it
is no accident.
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• Bullying involves repeated occurrences.
Bullying is not generally considered
a random act nor a single incident.
Rather, a child is repeatedly picked
on by another child or is the target
of harassment from a whole group of
children. It is the repeated nature
of bullying that causes anxiety and
apprehension in victims, such that the
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anticipation of bullying becomes as
problematic as the bullying itself.
• Bullying is characterized by a power
difference; an unfair fight where the
child who bullies has some advantage or
power over the child who is victimized.
Bullying is not the
same as “playing
around,” it is about
the abuse of power.
BULLYING
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Learning that your child is involved in
bullying behavior can be a tough blow to
any parent. Before you get angry or upset,
take a breath. Social skills develop gradually over the school years, and for many
children, this includes learning and experimenting with power and relationships.
It’s important that you work steadily and
compassionately to get your child back on
track. There’s a lot you, as a parent, can
do to help your child learn from the situation and become a more productive and
supportive part of his/her peer group. Here
are 10 actions you can take today to help
create better outcomes for both your child
and the kids who were bullied.
1. Have an honest and firm conversation with your child. Many children don’t
fully understand that what they are doing
is bullying and this it is not OK. They may
have seen similar behavior in adults, their
peers, or on television. Your child needs
to hear from you explicitly that it’s not
normal, OK, or tolerable to bully, to be bul-
| Illinois Spring/Summer 2013 | abusemagazine.org
lied, or to watch other kids be bullied. Kids
need to understand that when they bully
their peers, they are doing harm not only to
those victims, but also to kids who witness
their actions and even to themselves. Children who repeatedly bully others tend to
end up as adults having increased depression, anger, and conflict with other adults—
and are more likely to be convicted of a
crime. Your child needs your love and care
to get back on track.
2. Make a commitment to help your
child find healthy ways to resolve conflict and to stop bullying others. Start by
determining why your child is bullying: is
it the draw of social power or status? Or
perhaps, a natural temperament that needs
more adult regulation, or a case of copying
peers? Is it possible your kid’s being bullied
by others, and is lashing out with pro-active
behavior to try to keep from getting bullied? A teacher, counselor or mental health
professional may be able to help with this
process. Once you get a handle on why the
bullying is occurring, you can then help
your child come up with alternate behaviors or ideas to gain leadership and “social
status” that don’t involve excluding others
or physical and verbal bullying. Provide specific examples from your own experience or
from carefully screened books and media.
Support your child’s efforts to communicate the plan and ideas to teachers and
administrators and to implement the plan
at school.
Source: www.education.com › Education Issues Today › Bullying and Teasing