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someone’ s feelings? If you do have sex, what kind of contraception will you use? How will you get it? Will you know how to use it properly? Think about all of this before you’ re caught up in the heat of the moment.
3. You can always say“ no”— even if you’ ve said“ yes” before. Just because one relationship included sex doesn’ t mean all relationships will. You don’ t even have to continue having sex with your current partner if you don’ t want to. In fact, more than half of teen guys say that they are“ relieved” when their female partner wants to wait to have sex. You always have the power to say no, regardless of your sexual history or your reputation. for the first time or the 50th time, if you’ re not using contraception, there is a chance of pregnancy. If that sounds like a risk you don’ t want to take, you can always decide you’ re just not ready for sex.
6. If you’ re drunk or high, you can’ t make good decisions about anything— especially sex. Drinking alcohol and using drugs makes teens more likely to have unplanned or even unwanted sex. Having sex while drunk or high means you are much less likely to use protection. Even if you had meant to wait or use protection, those plans go out the window fast if you’ re not thinking straight. Lots of teens say they’ ve done something sexually when using drugs or alcohol that they might not have done if they’ d been sober. If you’ re going to a party with your friends, agree ahead of time to look out for each other. Step in if you see someone you care about losing control— before they do something they might not remember or
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baggage as a parent or another grownup. You can make a big difference. In fact, the younger teens are when they first have sex, the more they wind up regretting it. Let younger teens know that they should take their time and not feel pressure to grow up too fast. They’ re listening to you.
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“ Things were moving so fast. We didn’ t stop to think about protection. I wish I’ d taken five
minutes to buy a condom— instead I’ ll be working to support my son for the
rest of my life.”
- Guy, 16
4. Surprise! Guys actually value relationships over sex. Two out of three teen guys say that they could be happy in a relationship without sex— and that they would rather have a girlfriend but no sex than sex but no girlfriend. Most guys want what girls want— love, connection and a relationship with someone they can trust. In fact, more than half of teen guys say they would not have sex with someone unless they really loved her. Contrary to what most people think, the majority of high school-aged guys have not had sex, and the average age that guys lose their virginity is 17.
“ I told my boyfriend,‘ We have a son.’ He said,‘ No, we don’ t. YOU have a son.’”
- Girl, 15
5. It only takes once. One of the most common myths among teens is that pregnancy can’ t happen the first time you have sex. Actually, it can, and it does. Even if you’ re both virgins. When teens become sexually active, the sex is almost always unplanned and sporadic; communication between partners is often poor; and denial and guilt may stand in the way of getting and using protection. Whether you’ re having sex might really regret.
7. Girls: Sex won’ t make him yours, and a baby won’ t make him stay. One of the worst reasons to have sex is because you think your boyfriend will dump you if you don’ t. Sex and pregnancy don’ t guarantee a lasting, loving relationship— in fact, three-quarters of guys say that sex won’ t make them stay in a relationship they don’ t want to be in. Babies don’ t keep a relationship glued together— they are more likely to tear them apart: 8 out of 10 of teen fathers don’ t marry their babies’ mothers, and most guys don’ t stick around at all.
8. Guys: You can say“ no,” too. Girls aren’ t the only ones who feel pressure to have sex. Nearly 8 in 10 teen guys say there is way too much pressure on them to have sex— from friends, from girls, and from society— and 1 in 5 teen guys admits to going farther sexually than they really wanted to because of pressure from a girl. You don’ t have to have sex to prove anything. Having sex doesn’ t make you a man: waiting until you’ re ready and acting responsibly does.
9. Older teens: Younger teens are listening to you. Talk with your little sister or brother or younger cousin— let them know they can ask you anything. Kids who have positive, close relationships with older siblings are less like to take risks with sex. They look up to you, and you don’ t carry as much
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abusemagazine. org | Idaho Spring / Summer 2014 | 19