A Way Out Addiction Treatment Center Newsletter #3 03/2013 | Page 13

Common ways of controlling or avoiding uncomfortable emotions
Many addictive and inappropriate behaviors are rooted in an inability to take emotionally stressful situations in
your stride. Instead, you may try to control or avoid difficult emotions by:
Distracting yourself with obsessive thoughts, escapist fantasies, mindless entertainment, and addictive
behaviors.
Watching television for hours, playing computer games, and surfing the Internet are common ways we avoid
dealing with our feelings.
Sticking with one emotional response that you feel comfortable with, no matter what the situation
requires.
For example, constantly joking around to cover up insecurities or getting angry all the time to avoid feeling
frightened and sad.
Shutting down or shutting out intense emotions.
If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, you may cope by numbing yourself. You may feel completely
disconnected from your emotions, like you no longer have feelings at all.
The upside of unpleasant emotions
Anger can be both deadly and restorative. Out-of-control anger can run amok endangering others and
ourselves. But anger can also protect and preserve life by mobilizing us and inspiring determination and
creative action.
Sadness can lead to depression but also supports emotional healing.
Sadness is a call to slow down, stop thinking and surrender to what we are experiencing emotionally. Sadness
asks us to open up, trust and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to heal and recover from loss.
Fear can be debilitating but fear also triggers lifesaving reactions.
Fear is a deeply rooted emotion—often the cause of chronic anger or depression. Overwhelming fear can be a
barrier that separates us from others, but fear also supports life by signaling danger and triggering lifepreserving action.
Why avoiding unpleasant emotions isn’t the answer
We are all born with a capacity to freely experience the full range of human emotions—including joy, anger,
sadness, and fear. Yet many people are disconnected from some or all of their feelings.
People who were traumatized in early life often disconnect from their emotions and the physical feelings they
evoke. But when you try to avoid pain and discomfort, your emotions become distorted, displaced, and stifled.
You lose touch with your emotions when you attempt to control or avoid them, rather than experience them.
The consequences of avoiding your emotions:
You don’t know yourself.
This is one of the most important consequences. It includes understanding why you react to different situations,
how much or how little things mean to you, and the difference between what you think you want and what you
really need.
You lose the good, along with the bad.
When you shut down negative feelings like anger, fear, or sadness, you also shut down your ability to
experience positive feelings such as joy, love, and happiness.
It’s exhausting.
You can distort and numb emotions, but you can‘t eliminate them entirely. It takes a lot of energy to avoid
having an authentic emotional experience and keep your feelings suppressed. The effort leaves you stressed
and drained.

Ma ke friends with all your emotions