50 Years of Umko 1966 - 2016 1966 - 2016 | Page 58

In 1977 it was only R6 but it was BYOT - bring your own tent: Competitors are
required to supply own tents, sleeping and repair equipment. TOTAL MASS 10kg
PER PERSON.
Here’s a more detailed budget after inflation:
The 1984 Umko entry fee was R30 a paddle
The race budget
Accommodation/watchmen/insurance
Food (lunch, dinner, breakfast)
Petrol (officials, kit, etc.)
Refreshments (on leaving the water both days)
Natal Canoe Union / KZN levy
Prizes (+/- 10% of paddlers)
Prize-giving function (paddler plus family/friends)
Water tanks to local chief / schools
Postage/stationery/publicity/CANEWS distribution
Sundry including patching, hire of equipment, labour,
toilets, pre-race recces, bribes, donations
Sub-Total
“profit”
The sponsors contribution went to printing, race numbers,
T-shirts, kit bag hand-outs, additional special prizes, etc.

Getting The Stuff Down There

R 3,50
R 10,00
R 1,50
R 1,50
R 2,50
R 2,00
R 3,00
R 1,00
R 1.00
R 1,50
R 27,50
R 2,50

Dave Williams, Colin Mercer and Dudley Brickell, all municipal employees
at the time, were recruited by Ernie Alder as Umko-overnight-stop workers
for many years.
Dave tells great tales of the work that goes on in the background. First the
provisioning: Paddlers grab two slices of bread and move on. Here’s how it
gets down into the valley: Geoff Dyer and Dave in the Hypermarket doing
the shopping prior to the race at a time before you could buy sliced bread
off the shelf. Dave has to take a full trolley-load of loaves of bread, open the
packets, put them through the slicing machine and put the sliced bread back
into the plastic packet. The bread does not always slide back into the packet
in a nice smooth action. While production is in full swing the lady in the
queue asks whether he will be much longer!
“This bread was then loaded into Geoffs’ Cortina bakkie to be transported
to the overnight stop. While travelling down a steep downhill along the
dusty roads, and because he did not have a window dividing the canopy
from the cab we had loaves of bread surging forward from behind us and
landing on the front seat and behind our heads. With the occasional packet
not re-closed properly we ended up with sliced bread scattered in the front
of the vehicle.” It was then hygienically served to paddlers.
“The transportation of equipment and provisions included generators,
lighting equipment, refreshments - including the much-loved ‘sponsors’
product’ - drinking water and dry ice. Those years when the helicopter was
available, drums of jet fuel would be loaded onto an open truck on which we
at times also had to find place on the back for ourselves.
“For ablution purposes, planks and thrones, toilet paper, digging
equipment for the pit latrines, hessian to screen them off would all have
to be transported into the valley. Paddlers’ kit would be loaded onto Dave
Biggs’ truck on day one. The truck would be parked at the end of the tarred

UMKO 50 Years

road leading into the valley at Hella Hella. Marquees were hired and I
always said that if the hire company people knew what roads their truck
had to drive on he would have increased the price substantially.
“At the overnight stops we workers would string up the lights in the
marquees, sort out the toilet long drops and then man the separate pub tent.
“And then the fun would start! Allister Peter, the ever-colourful Arthur
Toekoe Egerton, Colin Ballie Roets and Chris Greeff used to provide the
entertainment late into the night. The jokes and special mixers for the
novices were fully controlled by those naughty buggers (which makes one
think back to those drums of jet fuel and wonder . . .). They wore designer aprons
on these special occasions which made a strong elephantine statement. The
farmer whose land was being occupied would sometimes join in, consume
plenty and listen to many war stories.
(Allie Peter remembers these nights vaguely: “If my memory is not too
dof these special aprons, when lifted, had elephant ears on either side of a
rather large male appendage - hence “The Dance of the Rare and Threatened
Umko sub-species of the African Elephant” which happened late at night
on very rare occasions and only during the marathon. On the last occasion I
think there were only two old bulls of this festive but vanishing species left
- one MUCH older than the other!”).
Dave continues: “In the campsite layout we would try to pitch the bar tent
well away from the main marquee where the serious or nervous competitors
needed to have an early night. But sound travels in the still night air! (And
those watching the Dance of the Umko Elephant seldom spoke in Attenborough-like
whispers!). Dave shakes his head: “Can you imagine long after the lights in
the main marquee were turned off, the majority of the paddlers fast asleep
on the ground in sleeping bags, next thing the dronk fellows now come
wandering back from the bar trying to find where their little sleeping spot
was!?” Mayhem! Sensitive readers are asked to block their ears at this point...
The next morning the paddlers would disappear downriver and the
organisers would pack up, tidy up and move the big convoy out of the
valley. They now also had to make space for the rubbish on the trucks.
On the way in to Riverside in a Ford F100 bakkie one Friday night,
Dave and the driver got stuck in the mud and the rain. The only way they
could hope to get the vehicle out was to offload all the refreshments and
equipment and reverse out. Then they re-loaded and proceeded but it was
close to midnight. When they reached the T-junction they decided it was
too dangerous to travel down the wet slippery section to Riverside, so they
pulled to the side of the road, and slept under the vehicle. “No cellphones
in those days, The advance party at the campsite was very relieved to see us
early the next morning.”

Food

“Food Official” Don Johnston: “If it is correct to say that the standard of
canoeing has improved tremendously over the past decade, then this must
be doubly true of the standard of catering. Having been coerced into acting
as ‘cook’ on the Umkomaas Marathon in 1969, at the first overnight stop we
served competitors stew that had been cooked in a 25 litre drum (found on
site) and stirred with a pick handle (also found on site). The gravy consisted
of river water, coloured and thickened by the mud that washed off the pick
handle, and tasted accordingly.”
“At the second overnight stop the boys were not so lucky. The roads
were practically impassable, and a choice had to be made between bringing
through the grub or the grog. A happy medium was struck, and a limited
amount of both, together with cereal, duly arrived. Such was the spirit
among competitors that, to the best of my knowledge, not a single complaint

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