50 Years of Umko 1966 - 2016 1966 - 2016 | Page 59

©Jon Ivins

was made about either supper or the next day’s breakfast, both consisting of
bread and cereal without the benefit of either butter or milk. No modern-day
food official would tempt fate in this manner, but amazingly the food dished
up must have been considered adequate, for the following year the same
food officials were back, supported by one or two others.”
Whereas 1969 had been wet, in 1970 the notorious Umkomaas Valley heat
pulled out all the stops. The river was flowing well, but the temperature in
the shade was so high that one of the officials - a generously proportioned
and correspondingly thirsty man with some records of his own (including
once having consumed a full case of beer at one sitting) - went into a coma.
His colleagues laid him in an iron bath containing water (the ice having
long since melted) and three dozen beers, and retired to discuss whether he
would prefer to be buried in the valley or taken home in a sack. Fortunately
Doc Curson’s expertise paid off and our man survived, although that was
the end of his canoeing association.
Don continues: “That was the year that Porky Paul went missing on the
second day. Since it was clearly impossible to start looking for a pint-sized
schoolboy in the middle of the night, it was decided to report the matter to
the SAP at Umkomaas. By this time all the officials had had enough of the
oppressive heat, and there was no shortage of volunteers to get out of the
valley on any excuse. Ossie Peake and yours truly drew the short straws
and we departed in Hamish Gerrard’s well-worn Gunston Orange Land
Rover. The constable on duty at the Umkomaas Police Station quite wisely
decided that there was nothing that he could do at 1am. We were made
very comfortable in the police quarters and assisted by the off-duty staff,
we proceeded to make a big hole in the beer that some other hopeful-ofdeserting official had loaded into the Land Rover.
“Meanwhile Porky had found his own way home, and was relaxing beside
a friend’s swimming pool when he heard a news broadcast to the effect that
he was missing in the Umkomaas Valley, and that helicopter support was

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being sought for the search parties.”
Don believed that “Every canoeist will have stories to tell, but the
censored ones are those told by officials around the camp fire.”

Hoogewerf’s Hot Rocks

Another year of novel catering was a t the stop the year Brian Hoogewerf
provided the meat and the fire. And no tongs or braai grids! Young novices
milled about, drooling. Old hands marched down to the river, found some
smooth flat rocks and placed them in the fire. Soon the smell of sizzling hot
rock steaks filled the air. You’d pay a fortune for those at a fancy restaurant
and they were thoroughly enjoyed. So much so that when Doc Curson
ventured to criticise the catering at the post-race evaluation in the Oceanview
Hotel, a fiery Rob Bourne-Lange leapt to the defence of his paddling partner
and made it known in no uncertain terms that the catering had, in fact, been
World-Class!
Rennie Naidoo of Supervision Services must get a mention. Here’s a typical
Rennie menu: Lunch - Two hamburgers, 1 fruit, juice; Dinner - Beef Stew &
rice, bread & jam, 1 fruit, juice; Breakfast - Cereal, porridge, bread, jam, juice

Once Ernie served Fast Food!

The day before the 1978 race Ernie fetched the food frozen in a huge pot.
As it thawed it went ‘bloop’ and it became obvious replacement food was
needed. At short notice. From his flat in Musgrave Road Ernie started
phoning. “I need food for 160 people in a hurry, can you help?” No. No.
Then the Royal Hotel said Yes! “Can you have it ready by 2pm?” No, but
they thought they could do it by 3pm. It was ready at 5pm.
Ernie fetched it at the Royal in Bugsy Grant’s* big Ford F250 truck, put it

UMKO 50 Years