2nd Chance How To Win Back The Love Of Your EX Free Download Mirabelle Summers PDF | Page 24

Step 4 - Learn to Be Alone
Your ability to have a strong relationship with a man depends on your ability not to
NEED him but to WANT him.
That’s it. Were I to boil this book down to one sentence it would be that.
Too often we define ourselves by the relationships we are in and in many cases, get
ANGRY at the men we are with because they don’t do the same.
But it’s backwards. A true relationship can only be strong and healthy when both
partners have individual needs and desires. You can’t spend every moment together
and you can’t expect your partner to be interested in everything you are or vice versa.
You are two people with unique interests and needs and when you come together you
create a powerful new entity, but that new entity is not finite. You cannot define both of
you by what you do together.
So, in step four you need to relearn how to be alone.
This means you need to commit to being alone and accept that this may be the new
way of your life.
It’s not easy. As we discussed earlier in the book, you are addicted to him. To the love
you feel for him. And don’t think that love isn’t real. You love him, probably more than
anyone you’ve ever loved before.
The love is not the problem. It’s the sacrifice you’ve made of every component of your
mind and body to him as part of that love.
You’ve decided that because you love him, every part of you needs to be his. There is
only love and this isn’t healthy. A healthy relationship consists of more than just love. It
consists of laughter, sadness, time apart and time together.
For years I would tell this to the women who came to me for advice, but it really hit
home when I met Liz, a 37 year old woman whose husband had just left her.
When we met, Liz wanted nothing more than to get him back. She was lost and alone
and miserable because of it. This woman defined her life by what she did for and with
her husband and it was tearing her apart inside.
We started with the same advice I’m giving you now. I told her to cut herself off from her
husband. Not to call him, email him or “accidentally” run into him on the street. It didn’t
work. She got even more depressed as the withdrawal set in.
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