Paddy Brennan Won ’ t Win , Will Win
The young man finds his friend already seated outside their chosen meeting spot . The café had been the old man ’ s preferred venue , but looking at it now , the young man reasons that ‘ caf ’ would be a more apposite term for the establishment in question . With its chequered plastic tablecloths , grubby windowpanes and lurid tomato-shaped ketchup bottles , the caf is reassuringly unpretentious , relatively unhygienic and resoundingly un-French . The older man , with his royal blue suit , Windsor-knot tie , cream fedora and overall patrician bearing ( which is complemented by , yet exists independently of his sartorial choices ) stands out starkly against his surroundings . The young man blends in a little better , wearing a suit which , while very expensive , is plain black and of a relaxed fit that makes it look like any other suit . This apparent ordinariness is compounded by the young man ’ s slouching posture , a habit which the old man is prone to berate him for . ‘ You ’ re late ,’ says the old man . The young man shrugs . Another bad habit . ‘ I only managed to slip out of the committee room ten minutes ago . Hands to shake , arses to kiss – you know how it is . Obviously this is the –’ he scrunches up his face in thought ‘– ninth leader you ’ ve served under ? But for those of us who aren ’ t elder statesmen , sauntering out before the victory speech isn ’ t really an option .’
‘ I didn ’ t saunter out early just because I could . I left because I have no respect whatsoever for our new leader .’ ‘ You don ’ t think she can win ?’ ‘ That ’ s not what I said . I said that I have no respect for her .’ He sips his coffee . ‘ The fact that she can ’ t win is immaterial . God knows I ’ ve served under my fair share of hopeless cases , and I ’ ve done so proudly . They nicknamed me Saint Jude after I refused to resign from Baldy ’ s Shadow Cabinet back in ’ 05 .’ The old man winces a little , swirls the contents of his cup . ‘ The coffee here is rough , but they do a marvellous fry-up if you ’ re hungry ?”
‘ Nah . I filled up on mini-vol-au-vents earlier . Look , I know you didn ’ t want her in the tent in the first place , but given the state the party was in …’ He changes tack . ‘ I mean , aren ’ t you the one always saying we ’ re a broad church ?’
‘ We are a broad church . A Cistercian Abbey , to be precise . And we ’ ve just invited in a Viking to lead evensong .’
The young man perseveres . Where once he would have deferred to his more venerable colleague , he has in recent months grown weary of his friend ’ s grandiose and , he increasingly
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