BECOMING A BEHAVIOR DETECTIVE
Childhood is FULL of messy behaviors and big emotions ! Meltdowns . Hitting . Screaming . Pouting . Pushing . Crying .
Our kids ’ behavior can be confusing , frustrating and a lot to manage ! Often times our child ’ s difficult behaviors push us apart from one another and turn us into adversaries when what we desperately want is peace and connection . Your child ’ s behavior can become a window into their needs and emotions .
It is through our child ’ s behavior that we come to know their needs and emotions .
At the beginning of our child ’ s life , it ’ s easy for us to remember that their behavior is sending us important messages about what they need and how they are feeling . We learn to read their facial expressions , tell the difference between their cries , and anticipate their needs .
We do all this not because they have told us these things , but because we have paid attention and are looking underneath their behavior .
As our infants turn into toddlers , they gain some words , but for the most part , they are still relying upon behavior to communicate to their caregivers that they are tired , hungry , scared or angry . As our children grow older , it can be easy to forget that they are still sending us important messages through their behavior .
Then we see our child having a meltdown and our sole focus turns to stopping the meltdown , versus seeking to understand what the meltdown is about and how we might be their guide through this difficult moment .
Though this may “ work ” in the moment ( we have stopped the meltdown ), it gradually begins to erode the relationship as children feel unseen and alone in their problems and emotions . It also means that we miss out on critical moments to mentor and teach our children how to express and experience their emotions in a healthy way .
When parents become curious about the needs and emotions underlying their child ’ s behavior , they are cultivating a relationship that is rich in trust , connection and respect . These are the building blocks for development that all children rely upon to grow and flourish .
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