Even for his birthday whilst celebrating, he simply looked at his cake and card and said 'Is this it?!'. It was like nothing I did was enough, when I met Steve he was unemployed and moved from job to job. But I was raised to always accept the person and never value material things, but Steve was different he would often say 'give me money to buy clothes ... buy me a laptop ... buy me a phone ... get me this ...'. He would say it in a jokingly way but I knew he was serious. I often wondered why I never stood up and said something, but I had no energy. I was once confident and always spoke my mind. But, Steve made me feel like everything I was saying was rubbish and irrelevant. Even when I tried to speak, he would tell me 'shut up you little b***'. In all my life, I had never been called that, yet he would call me. I had no voice with Steve. No voice at all.
For the first time I remember crying badly and loudly for God to just provide an escape for the domestic abuse I was suffering. I sat in the bathroom and cried I did not want Steve, I was tired and was losing the will to live. The following day, I remember vividly up to this day. He rang me and because I had not made his sandwich. He called me every name, 'useless ... doormat ... pushover ... pathetic ... underdeveloped'. Every name, I finished for him to speak. Then he said, anyways I've been talking to my ex and I'm going to sleep with her I'm going to get back with her. My heart stung beyond repair! All I said was ok, good luck with your life, we are over. I did not beg or even plead. I was too angry, too shocked, too cold. I sound harsh but I did not care what could have happened him.
I was just angry, I told my mother. She just said you deserve much better than him. Keep your head high and up to this day, she only knows half the story. But I suffered, even now I still get flashbacks and panic attacks. I am still scared to go out or even meet new people, because of the experience. But, each day I am growing stronger.
I have advice and encouragement for anyone going through a similar domestic abuse story right now: there is life after abuse, and know that you deserve more.
After I broke up with Steve, he tried contacting me. But, I did not care, I missed the good times, but no ways! Enough was enough. I did not need Steve. I slowly, became involved in volunteering and doing hobbies I love, I started getting my life back on track. It was hard but worth it.
Now I love my life and I am learning to love myself :). Reading experiences of other domestic abuse stories on this website has helped me beyond words. I am truly grateful for the stories which give me strength that life can be beautiful again after heartbreak.
And yes, karma does exist, Steve lost his job and car. And his life is miserable, so whilst I'm moving on with my life, my abuser is suffering.
Keep the faith and hold your head high.