Журнал "Культурный тренд" CultureTrend_May-June_17 | Page 44

/ #together /
refugees, you got to admit that. They
accepted half a million refugees. Some
went further to the West, but there
were a couple of hundred thousand
refugees in Croatia at that time.
Otherwise, what we got from Croatia
is nothing, absolutely nothing and
we would get even less if my parents
weren’t university educated doctors.
Except citizenship, which is somehow
self-evident that you should get a
citizenship if you are Croatian by
ethnicity, we didn’t get anything. I
mean I acknowledge to Croatia that
they have given accommodation to
refugees because that was not easy.
But in general people managed their
living completely on their own. So
did my parents, and they didn’t got
anything for their property in Bosnia
– really nothing. They have done
everything on their own. I mean and all
that is forgotten by the people today,
and by politicians, too.
So you constantly have this bitter taste
of life. The older you are the harder it
gets. I really don’t know how I could
go back to Bosnia, especially with my
degree in philosophy. I mean I can’t
find a job here, and what would I do
there. I mean, I am displaced and I
don’t know how to till land. Also, I don’t
know how the others could get back
there.
When it comes to how people reacted
to us, I mean it’s hard to say. Dad was
pediatrician in Križevci, and he was
respected, but on the other hand there
was this story that we are usurping
here and that we are some foreigners
who mess with their domestic stuff.
And what about local community,
the city or municipality? Did they
helped in any way?
No, we didn’t get any support. Only
when we got a job in Križevci, we were
in that apartment that was owned by
public health center. But my parents
got a job there, so technically that is
not help because anyone coming there
could get that.
What about international
organizations?
No, nothing. There were this charity
packages which you could pick when
you went to this charity centers. You
take what you find there, the clothes
this and that. My Aunt was working in
Zagreb so she financed us, along with
parents who were sending money from
Germany during 1993. We didn’t even
had a car until 1995 or 1996, because
we didn’t had money to buy a car. We
were riding with a bus or if somebody
gives you a ride. So nothing from the
state or international community, but
help yourself in ways that you can.
How were you relations with
neighbors or in general interaction
with people there?
Well, mom and dad, they had a good
relationship with neighbors, and we
also got along with neighbors. But that
was, how to say, you know, everybody
44
here we are talking about communities
in Bosnia that are old couple of
centuries. I am also bothered that
someone works hard his whole life, you
build up for years and then suddenly
that is gone in a second. Even more,
there are no elementary assumptions
that this continuity of Croatians from
Bosnian Posavina can be continued.
It is a bigger problem, it is a problem
to me. I don’t know how the others
see this, do they see their places in
Bosnia as weekend settlements now
or do they want to go back? There are
different impr ession. Maybe I am not
representative person because I care
more then I should, when nobody
does. I can say that this is somehow
clearly forgotten history, and since it is
like that then it is ipso facto forgotten
future.
Фото: A group of Bosnian Muslims, refugees from Srebrenica, walk to be transported from the eastern Bosnian village of Potocari to Muslim-held Kladanj, July 13, 1995. Reuters
«...they were saying ‘go back
where you came from’ or
‘what are you doing here’. It is
something that is not pleasant
for anyone to hear, but what can
you do?»
needs a favor. I remember, my parents
were called for an intervention in the
middle of the night, at 2, 3, 4 in the
night to help to some guys, who were
drunk and who almost froze in the
winter. It’s hard to talk about that, my
parents were always treated as those
academics which created a distance.
Granny, she was hanging out with
those other grannies from the village.
I don’t know how they communicated,
partly deaf, while my granny was
speaking in her specific Bosnian way
and the local grannies were speaking
in their local dialect. Also, my aunt and
uncle were there so, they were hanging
out with them.
In general, those friendships and
gatherings from Bosnia were broken,
people left to all the different places,
but that was a real thing, real
friendships. This in Križevci, dad hangs
out with one of his cousin from Bosnia
and one local professor, and so with
some people. Mostly refugees or people
that came there like that. But there is
always this surplus of things untold,
unconscious things which sometimes
suddenly burst out because of various
reasons.
How did you integrated in your
school, how were things going on
there?
In school I was hanging out normally
with kids. I have learned the local
dialect, more or less. I mean the local
way of talking in the village. With time
passing I lost that. At home, I speak in
the local way of Bosnian Posavina, and
when I am somewhere outside then
it can be some mix. A bit of standard
language, somewhere it will be more
one or other dialect. I mean I was fitting
in ok, expect certain incidents that
were happening there. Those incidents
were relatively often, for example they
were saying ‘go back where you came
from’ or ‘what are you doing here’. It
is something that is not pleasant for
anyone to hear, but what can you do. I
remember after some time one guy was
calling me Mehmed which was typically
Muslim name from Bosnia. He wanted
to offend me with that and say that I
am not Croat, that I don’t belong here
and that I am Muslim.
What would you say, did you fit in to
Croatian society?
Well, in a way I did fit in. I feel good in
Zagreb. It was also ok in Križevci, but
there I always felt some… well some
distance which grew as I was getting
older. I mean, it didn’t felt right. It is
nice there, nice small city, the nature
around is ok and so on. I went there in
high school, partly in primary school.
And in Zagreb, I mean I love Zagreb,
it is good for me here, no matter the
people.
I am integrated but I am not happy
and satisfied. You feel that stiffness,
that bitterness and how to fight that –
sometimes easier, sometimes harder? I
am not happy which means that I am
not 100% integrated. It is clear. I mean
you can live your life just for sake of
living and that you try to forget all the
things that happened in one moment
of your life, whether I would have kids
or not. I wouldn’t like to live like that, I
don’t want to live like that, but that is
« When millions of people are
being killed or forced out of
their homes, who will remember
some couple of hundred or
thousand people from this
areas? Who will remember
them, it’s a small number?
That is miserable »
What about your future?
When it comes to my future, it’s hard
to go back (to Bosnia). There is the
feeling that you are a stranger wherever
you go. That is some constant, you are
foreigner in Bosnia because everyone
from there went to different places,
they have their specific jobs and lives.
Also, you are a foreigner amongst
Muslims in Bosnia. That relationship
experienced a huge regression I would
say. On the other hand here in Croatia
you are a foreigner at the moment
when you open your mouth and start
talking. It is the unmistakable power
of detecting foreign element in the
language – especially when you say
where you are from.
Lastly, every year in the world there
is another war or critical area where
the focus shifts too. The wars in ex-
Yugoslavia have lived through its star
moments, and who will now come back
to those injustices when there are
currently ongoing quantitatively bigger
ones. When millions of people are being
killed or forced out of their homes, who
will remember some couple of hundred
or thousand people from this areas?
Who will remember them, it’s a small
number? That is miserable. So I don’t
know, I don’t have much choice but to
live my life further and try to help to
my local community and myself.
not only in my power. There is whole
set of things and life circumstances
which define that, for instance a
possible future wife. It is a question
what will be with that. I am not sure
and I am bothered with that. Also, I feel
a need to write about that, but we’ll see
about that.
So I can’t say that I don’t fit here, and
I can’t give some general estimate; I
might be some exception in that sense.
I am bothered by this things, where I
am from, where did I live, where my
ancestors are and what will happen
with tradition and continuity. I mean
45