Q&A
In the past, notable change (like a key staff
member leaving) would put me in a dizzying
tailspin of anxiety, uncertainty and frustration. (In other words, I would regress, bite, and
scream—not a recipe for wining friends and
influencing people.) Focusing on work would
not be possible until a set schedule and structure was again established—sometimes taking
months. These days, I have learned to respond
differently. I do not react immediately. I study.
SS (my smiling shrink) turned me on to this
concept of “never worrying alone.” She stole the
idea from Edward Hallowell’s book, Driven to
Distraction at Work: How to Focus and Be More
Productive. Hallowell recommends: “You just
have to find someone you like and trust. My
basic three-step method of worry control is as
follows:
1. Never worry alone.
How Do You Deal With
Change?
2. Get the facts. (Toxic worry is rooted in wrong
information, lack of information or both.)
3. Make a plan. Having a plan reduces feelings
of vulnerability and increases feelings of control.”
For me, this strategy became possible a few
years ago when I was finally able to make and
sustain real “non-paid friends.” I wrote about
how friends came to be in I Might Be You: An
Exploration of Autism and Connection.
Recently, my house manager of 5 years gave her
two-week notice. Instead of going inward and
letting my fecund catastrophizing imagination
ruin my mental and physical health, I chose to
connect and problem solve with two old friends
and my parents. That decision to reach out
immediately had me feeling empowered and
supported.
That is why the “Ask Barb” portion of my work
is so important. I want to make it safe and easy
for others to reach out so that they are not alone
in worry and finding solutions.
~ Barb Rentenbach (“Ask Barb” at
[email protected] or 442-BARB-989 and
66
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
visit her website at http://muleandmuseproductions.com/loud-mute-radio/.)
When something is not going the way I like or
going as planned, I literally say out loud, “Plot
Twist!” Think back to your favorite movie; [the
plot twist] is when the biggest turnarounds
happen. It is the same in real life. It’s the moment you were not expecting, and yes, that can
be hard. You just have to keep telling yourself
“everything is hard before it gets easy.”
~ Jennifer O’Toole (To hear more about handling plot twists and other awesome advice
from Jennifer, check out her new podcast, Geek
Talk, at http://asperkids.com/speaking-geek.)
One place I frequently have to deal with change
is when I fly to speak at autism conferences
around the world. With the state of airlines
these days, delays, cancellations and other flight
irregularities often result in missed flights. The
best way to deal with these disruptions is to
have as much information as possible so that I
have options at my disposal. That means having
the necessary apps to devise alternate routings
to my destination at a moment’s notice when
necessary.
Sometimes I’ve even used cancellations to my
advantage. A couple of winters ago, bad weather resulted in a delay on a flight to New York
that connected in Boston. Upon being informed
of this delay in Boston, I kindly asked the agent
at the desk if I might avoid the next flight being cancelled by just waiting until the following
day.
Jackpot! I got a bonus night to go home and stay
with my wife before heading to New York t B