How to have
a SWEET No-Fuss
School Morning
B y
D ebi
T a y lor
here is a really funny skit I remember
from my childhood years of watching The
Electric Company about sweet rolls. It was
a simple conversation between a customer and a
waitress:
T
***
C: “A cup of coffee and a sweet roll.”
W: “We’re out of sweet rolls.”
C:
“Glass of milk and a sweet roll?”
W: “We are … out of sweet rolls.”
C:
“Iced tea and a sweet roll?”
W: “We are OUT of sweet ROLLS.”
C:
“Orange juice and a sweet roll?”
18
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
W: “WE ARE OUT OF SWEET ROLLS!!!!”
(silence)
C: “Okay. Then I’ll just have a sweet roll.”
The waitress exits the scene screaming in frustration.
***
It still makes me giggle—probably because it describes most of the people I interact with daily.
If you look at it from a different angle, in relation to how your autistic child processes information, it can lift another veil in understanding
and diffusing some of those frustrating moments. How many times have you had to repeat
a command or request to your child for what
you perceive to be a simple and obvious task?
If your house is like mine, it can sometimes be
seven or eight, and then my patience can surpass simmer and go straight to a rolling boil.
the cashier over and over for bread, raising my
voice and getting frustrated, or would I eventually figure out that I have to go to a different
store to get what I need?
While it’s true that children make you repeat
yourself in general, consider that your autistic
child simply and honestly may not understand
what you’re asking nor how to ask for clarification. Many times, if a question or statement isn’t
understood by my son, he will simply bypass
it and move on as if it were a “File Not Found”
error that automatically redirected to a new
website.
I learned the hard way that I can’t get mad at my
child when I am expecting something from him
based on the way I operate and think—something he simply isn’t capable of. Boy, do I love
the mornings so much more now that I am looking for bread in the right store—and so does he!
Multiple commands are difficult to process. It
took me a while to realize this and stop perceiving my son as being defiant. Asking him to put
on his socks and shoes, brush his teeth, and
meet me in the car while I pour my morning coffee (the way I would process the morning’s rituals) would result in absolute shutdown. I would
most likely finish my tasks, expecting him to be
diligently checking off the list I assigned him,
and then find him on his Nintendo DS with
none of the items completed. Naturally, at that
point (after a minor litany of loud grumblings),
I would also expect him to hurry through the
list, sharing my sense of urgency, understanding
that we were now late.
Here’s the deal. He doesn’t process multiple
commands. He doesn’t break his ritual or the
order things should be done because I am yelling that we’re late. He doesn’t “just know” what
comes next without being told. I can tell him we
are out of sweet rolls until I’m shouting it, but
he will still ask for them. Why? Because at this
time, that is how his brain processes information. It is MY EXPECTATIONS of him that are
causing the frustrations and meltdowns, not his
behavior.
If I continue to repeat myself in these same
fashions, doesn’t that mean I’m expecting him to
do something he’s not capable of? Wouldn’t that
be the same as going into a hardware store and
asking for a loaf of bread? Would I keep asking
BONUS Tips for a
SWEET Morning:
* Use single commands. (Put your
socks on. Good. Now go brush your
teeth. Great job!)
* Establish predictable routines.
* Hang visual cues in a central location
so that you can refer to them.
* Lay out items (school clothes, back
pack, shoes, etc.) the night before.
* Allow extra time for zippers, buttons,
etc.
* Have timed races to see who finishes
a series of tasks first, making it a fun
game.
* Use lots of positive reinforcement!
Debi is a single mom of two autistic teens and
an emergency responder in her community. She
founded Spirit of Autism, a training program
aimed at keeping emergency responders and
autistic individuals safe on the scene of a crime, fire, medical call
or disaster.
ZOOM Autism throu gh Many Lenses
19