~ M. Kelter
“I feel unsafe when I am overwhelmed or overstimulated and even worse when I feel stuck
there. I know I’m not in mortal danger, but try
convincing my brain of that when it can’t keep
up and process everything. My mom understands that I need breaks sometimes, whether
that means going to another room or sitting outside or taking a break with my iPad. I can trust
her and don’t ever have to explain myself or
worry about being made to feel bad. I feel safe
just knowing I have a way out, even if I don’t
need it every time.” ~ Lydia Wayman
“Love and respect and accept them for who they
are. Be patient. Let them know you love them
just the way they are. Show them you are proud
of them and their accomplishments no matter
how small they may be. Remind them that they
are never on the journey alone.”
~ Chloe Rothschild
“Feeling safe is quite difficult to accomplish
for a person with autism, at least from my own
point of view. I always find the world around
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ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
me scary, unpredictable and very chaotic. To
make an autistic person feel safe, it’s best to really listen to him/her. To show that you understand his/her fears, you can tell him/her that you
also used to be scared for example. Don’t just
wave fears away. But you don’t have to confirm
the fear either because then you give him/her a
reason to be afraid. What’s best to do is to help
him/her look at things differently.
The answer to the question to how to keep your
autistic loved-one safe is somewhat different
than how to make your autistic loved-one feel
safe. I, for example, feel very safe if I listen to
my music on my MP3 player whenever I go
somewhere. But even though it feels safe to me,
it is not really safe for me at all. I might get hit
by a car, which I don’t hear coming. And besides that, in a big city you can also be an easy
victim if you wear earplugs since you don’t hear
anything. The best way is to find a balance. A
balance in between being safe and feeling safe.”
~ Heidi Vormer
“For me, and I think for a lot of autistic people,
a big part of feeling safe is knowing what to
expect in a given situation. What may seem like
an unreasonable amount of detail to others is
just my way of planning coping strategies. This
can mean getting details about potential sensory
threats, gathering information on navigating an
unfamiliar environment or scripting essential
bits of conversation.
One way parents can help their autistic kids feel
safer with trying new things is to share lots of
details in advance. Look at photos of the place
or activity. Draw maps or pictures. Make visual
schedules. Have a “practice run” if possible.
Talk about who will be there and what kinds
of conversations will take place. Let your child
know their options for food, quiet time and
what kinds of comforting things they can bring
with them.
Knowing what to expect in advance helps re-
duce my anxiety around new things. But, more
importantly, it helps me go into unfamiliar situations with my coping strategies set to maximum, making it less likely that I’ll quickly get
overloaded and shut down. ~ Cynthia Kim
“First thing I had to do to keep my children safe
was to reduce if not eradicate my own fears.
This is still a work in progress! Meditation,
prayer, and research help me with this progression. Then I had to deeply observe my autistic
children. I looked for triggers, for word comprehension, for those rare expressive moments,
and for the manners in which they did learn
about themselves and the environment. I made
lists and charts of times, triggers, foods, activities…the intensive work so many of us undertake trying to understand. Then I used different
education strategies such as short phrases with
photographs to define what a safe haven is and
to help evolve a sense of safety.
I videotaped the entire process, with me speaking and demonstrating safe behaviors, then my
husband. It was repeat, repeat, repeat, in order
to create the rules our autistic children need.
Rules become habits. A prominent feature of
our safety technique is the family code. The rule,
repeated and photographed and videotaped,
was ‘you go with no one, not a police officer, not
a neighbor, not a nurse unless they can tell you
our family code.’ I did not explain this, why it
is needed, how people are mean sometimes or
criminal. Keeping it simple means success; running “tests” in many settings helps to establish
the rule.
The upshot is to discer n the learning patterns of
the children and associate strong images, familiar images, to establish the safety rules. Using
photographs produces more immediate effects,
and using video role modeling cements the
rule.” ~ CarolAnn Edscorn
Photos by Conner Cummings
“I would say being safe involves a lot of constant detective work: identifying risk zones,
then puzzling out why they happen and how
best to respond. For example, self-injurious
behaviors happen for a reason (sensory discomfort, anxiety, etc.), so finding solutions means
figuring out why the behavior is happening
and then coming up with a game plan for those
triggers as well as preventative strategies. With
autism, any safety issue gets down to this sort
of creative detective work and problem solving.
As for feeling safe, I think that happens when
people feel a bond of trust with the loved ones
in their lives. If they know they can have open,
honest communication with you (be that verbal
or non-verbal communication) and feel that you
are on their side, looking out for their best interest, that bond of trust can be a crucial foundation for feeling safe and protected in life.”
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
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