“Helping people come to terms
with a spectrum diagnosis will
sometimes mean helping them
avoid distorted thinking about
other people.”
ing point for
beginning to move away from the negativity.
The more you can collaborate and not pull in different directions, the better. If you can mutually
establish a more neutral set of reactions to the
spectrum diagnosis, you can avoid lapsing into
the kind of power struggle dynamic that often
makes the goal of acceptance even harder
to achieve.
Help Clarify
This is stating the obvious, but when someone
is reluctant to accept a spectrum diagnosis, it’s
at least in part because they do not want to feel
different. They can see their peers making connections much more easily, and it can be very
painful to feel that your differences have pushed
those connections out of reach. (It’s not true that
these connections are out of reach; autistics can
thrive and do extremely well when it comes to
forging strong bonds with others, but I know at
times it can be hard for some to believe that.)
The point is that low self-esteem can create the
temptation to idealize the lives of others. Somehow, some way, others are doing things “right,”
things you can’t seem to replicate. Helping people come to terms with a spectrum diagnosis will
sometimes mean helping them avoid distorted
thinking about other people. The goal is to listen
not only to how a person describes themselves
but also to how they describe other people. If it
sounds like they are idealizing others, they are
likely self-loathing. To the extent that you can,
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WHEN IT’S TIME TO GET
Self-hatred, idealizing
others, anger about a
spectrum diagnosis: these
can be signs of serious
depression. Don’t assume
that it’s a phase and that
they’ll “get through it.”
Find a local mental health
professional (preferably one with spectrum experience) and get help if these reactions seem to be
reaching an extreme. If you are lost as to where
to start, a good place for more information online
is the ADAA (Anxiety and Depression Association
of America), which offers a directory of licensed
mental health providers that specialize in anxiety
disorders, depression and related disorders. They
are professional members of ADAA who have
chosen to be listed in this database. If you use the
advanced search function, you can type in “Autism
Spectrum” to find a professional with experience
in your area. You can also search by city if you are
located outside the U.S.
HELP!
Zoom Autism Through Many Lenses
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