Dear Reader,
My husband pissed me off the other day. I was so angry I could have chewed glass then systematically shot daggers in his direction. Yes, I entertain less than admirable thoughts when I’m angry. I was mad. I was frustrated. I had a headache and I really, really, really disliked him for a whole day! I don’t even remember why he pissed me off…all I know is that he got under my skin. To add insult to injury he said something about me not listening to him and I thought I would lose my mind! It cut deep. Doesn’t he know that I pride myself in being a great listener? Doesn’t he know by now that that’s one of my trademarks? Has he lost his mind?
Here’s my takeaway from going around this mulberry bush yet again. Marriage is NOT a 50/50 partnership agreement. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe that meeting each other half way is the way to build a long, lasting, strong marriage. The truth is, marriage is 100/100 partnership agreement. As the woman, I need to be 100% percent whole as a person and willing to give that 100% away to my partner. It’s the same with the man. He needs to come into the relationship 100% whole and willing to give it all away for my happiness and satisfaction. Is there hope for us who came into the relationship expecting 50/50? Absolutely! We are a work in progress and willing to keep chipping away at our ‘issues’ one at a time until resolved…or at least bearable. Marriage is truly a journey and not for the faint of heart. That’s why God allows some of us to experience this thing called marriage….so that we can constantly rely on and run to Him for encouragement, sustenance, and patience. Not married and content to stay that way? That’s ok; use your single state to become a 100% whole person fully devoted to living, loving, and sharing your wholeness!
VS
Joyce Ndoria
Positively authentic, lovingly yours,
Joyce.
Joyce lives in Winfield Illinois, a mother of 2 young adults and 1 nine year old, has been married 17 years to the love of her life, Jeff. They are both finishing PhD’s and enjoy reading, watching good tv, and attending church.
Yes, here we are again, I was having one of those arguments with my ‘other half’ and you’d think after 17+ plus years of marriage I would have at least learned how to argue well and with fairness. That’s what all the marriage counselors, books, and commentaries say to do. Couples should argue well, argue fairly?!? What? How? I’ve read all the marriage materials, attended most of the conferences, and we’ve even tried marriage counseling. None of the ‘advice’ really worked, primarily because we are both strong willed people and rather hard headed. If someone tells us to ‘communicate better’ they might as well should have said ‘don’t communicate at all’ because…well…we are hard headed. We don’t like for outsiders to tell us what to do. We are stubborn. Period. Our marriage counselor told us that we are “more alike than different’ and we went on this whole dysfunctional journey that lasted a week trying to prove that we were very, very different and not in the least way the same. As previously stated, we hate being told what to do and we are rather hard headed. Stubborn. Period. So our battle continued. You shouldn’t have said….! No I’m not….! I didn’t say that! You don’t understand me! I didn’t mean it like that! You hear what you want to hear instead of what I’m actually trying to say! Fine I won’t talk to you anymore then! Humph!!
Page 10