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rest of my family. If I had gone with my family I wouldn’ t have been at work, and I wouldn’ t have been at that apartment after work. But I didn’ t go, and so here I am, alone. Before I can really think about it I’ m dialing Andy’ s number.“ Heeey,” drawls my best friend.“ Andy,” I say. There’ s a beat of silence.“ What happened.”
I lock my jaw and clench my teeth against that fissure in my chest opening up just a little more. My vision is getting blurry, and I can feel my body shaking.
“ Noa. Are you okay? Where are you?” I can hear the panic creeping in her voice, so I sit down on the couch. I take a few deep breaths and answer,“ I’ m home. Will you come over, please?”“ Gimme 10.” I take the box to the bathroom and leave it there out of my sight.
Laying on the couch, I’ ve counted 305 cracks on the ceiling by the time Andy knocks on the door.
Turning the lock I’ m greeted by her face, and a“ What the hell happened to your face?”
I should’ ve known the girl who has seen my every facial expression, who has seen each nuance in my face would notice the purple on my cheekbones blooming under the poorly applied concealer.
“ Did you forget your key?” I deflect, turning away.
“ Yeah. Why are you wearing so much makeup?”
I sit down on the couch and rub my fingers against my closed eyes,“ Can we just—” I inhale deeply and try again.“ Will you just sit here with me?”
Andy approaches me the way she would a small and angry, wounded animal. She slowly takes a seat beside me. After sitting there for a few minutes with some hesitation she gently places her hand on my back and I stiffen.
Something about that kind and comforting touch, after the night I’ ve had, rattles whatever little self-control I’ ve maintained and I become a tsunami of emotion I can’ t fight anymore.
I can’ t see Andy, I don’ t know my name, my throat is this raw wail, the room is shaking, I am shaking. This is dying. This fissure in my chest has ruptured into a black hole and I can’ t find my
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