Dear God You Might Be Psychotic
By - Michael Sherlock
Dear God,
Having just finished reading your book, which wasn’t a bad attempt for a
first try, I am a little concerned with your psychological well-being. Thus, I
would like to administer a quick psychiatric evaluation to see whether or not
you are psychotic.
Psychosis is a symptom of a mental illness, typically associated with a loss of
touch with reality. (1) Given that you exist outside of reality, it is perfectly
understandable why you might not be in touch with it.
In Nelson and Good M.D’s Psychiatry Made Ridiculously Simple, they relay a
common mnemonic acronym for diagnosing someone in the throes of a
psychotic episode. It is JOIMAT, which stands for Judgement, Orientation,
Intellectual functioning, Memory/Mood, Appearance/Affect & Thought. (2)
As I cannot ask you the necessary questions to establish whether you are
psychotic, I am forced to draw from your written work. I will quote from
Nelson and Good’s book and then do my best ascertain whether or not each
letter of the acronym may or may not apply to you.
J - Judgement: It is important to find out whether the patient can
understand acceptable patterns of behaviour and consequences of his
actions. (3)
1. If you are unhappy with your children’s behaviour, do you:
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