an atheist, it can be easy for one to feel alone when grieving. Your religious
friends and family will be muttering reassurances of heaven and saying they
still feel your loved one with them. They might say he sends them dreams,
or he sent them a sign that says he is alright. For a non-believer, these
reassurances can feel alienating and isolate an atheist if he is the only nonreligious person in the room. Unfortunately, some zealots might choose this
vulnerable time to try and bring you into the folds of a religion. As a result of
this, I often choose to grieve alone.
How To Deal With Death as an Atheist
Here are some general tips on how to get through this hard process,
especially if you choose to go it alone.
1.
Know what is best for you.
After a death, in the following days you will need to make some important
decisions. Will you attend the wake? Will you go to the burial? Will you stay
for the whole wake, even if it is religious? For some, like me, attending the
wake and funeral is a good way to make your mind understand and process
the death. For others, it is a nightmare-inducing spectacle. How will you feel
seeing your loved one in the casket? Will it help you, or do you think it will
make your feelings worse? How would you feel about seeing your loved one
buried or seeing his ashes spread? These are the questions you need to ask
yourself. Everyone is different, so don't let anyone bully or force you to go to
the wake or funeral if you don't feel it is good for you. You can say goodbye
in your own way, it is not a requirement to attend services, and it is no one's
place to judge you for it. It is in no way disrespectful to your lost companion,
nor is there anything to be ashamed of if you cannot attend.
2.
Find somewhere to vent.
If you get hit as hard as I do by the anger stage, you should find somewhere
to vent. Whether to a friend who is understanding and patient, or to a diary
or blog, it is good to have somewhere to get it out. If you are not the
writing/talking type, find something that helps relieve your stress. When you
are pulsating with anger, what helps? Do you need to stock up on ammo and
visit the shooting range a few times a week? Do you need to paint some
pictures to distract yourself? Do you need to just go for a drive and belt out
your favorite show tunes? Whatever works for you, make sure you give
yourself time to do it.
3.
Be understanding and patient with yourself.
As I said earlier, there is no time limit on grief. It doesn't matter if you don't
feel you were close enough with the lost person to grieve for them. It
doesn't matter if you simply cannot make yourself do anything for weeks on
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