In the beginning, there was God. God was God and therefore allpowerful and He could get things very easily, like when one shops at a
Costco. But even so, God was unhappy. Omniscient as He was,
somehow it slipped past His mind that the more perfect the cosmos,
the lesser its problems, and the bored-er the Creator. It was a
quandary riddled with paradox, and for the first time in all of eternity,
God didn't know what to do.
Fortunately, His ignorance and indecision in the matter endured only a
short while before epiphany struck. "Oh me!" God said aloud. "I know
how to rectify this boredom! I shall…"
And on the eighth day God made problems.
The problem with making problems, however, was that, though
omnipotent beyond all revelation, God was still powerless to fix the
mess He had so impulsively created of sheer desperation.
How could that be? Well, the answer had a name, and it was "Free
Will."
God had met Free Will on a constellation corner at nighttime three
days prior. She was turning tricks for one star a pop, and God was…
well, this is a story meant to be consumed by the general public, so
the official alibi is that God was passing through the neighborhood in
search of a hardware store.
Free will recognized the Alpha and Omega instantly and stopped Him
in His tracks.
"You're God."
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