The
They say we can ’ t determine the year we are born or the year we pass on ; The only thing we have any control over is “ the
Dash dash ” in the middle . Within it lie our hopes , dreams , & experiences . This column is dedicated to The Dash — that 0 fabulous thing we call LIFE ! By : Jennifer “ Xzotiqa ” Allums poet ; life & relationship coach
Recently my husband and I decided to kick back and have a movie night . After watching multiple trailers for the latest Academy Award winning movies , we agreed to go with an older flick called “ Yes Man .” The storyline of this comedy raised a lot of questions in my mind … After attending a cult-like empowerment seminar , Jim Carrey ’ s character made an agreement to erase the word “ No ” from his vocabulary . Instead , he was challenged to say “ Yes ” to every request and opportunity that passed his way . Throughout the ups and downs he experienced during the course of this lifestyle change , some great things happened . All of it was a domino effect from him making the decision to never say “ No ” to anyone or anything . Yeah … that was definitely just a movie . In the real world , you don ’ t meet the love of your life as a result of letting a homeless man burn up all the battery in your cell phone , and you certainly don ’ t receive a high salary promotion by loaning out all of your company ’ s money . In the universe that exists outside of film , saying “ Yes ” to everything does more harm than good . Nevertheless , there are still people out there who have a hard time saying no . And the few times they muster up the strength to say no , that one word sends them on a long trip to the land of guilt . So to avoid the bad feelings or disappointed looks from others , they find comfort in being a “ Yes man .” Are you in that boat ? Are you the one who always tells your friend she looks good in that outfit when you know very well that it doesn ’ t compliment her shape ? Are you the person in your family that often ends up on the raw end of the deal be cause you ’ re constantly loaning money you can ’ t afford to give away ? Are YOU a “ Yes Man ?” The fact is that saying “ No ” is not a selfish or rude act , no matter what the recipients of that word may try to make you believe . Saying “ No ” is evidence of knowing your own self-worth . This does not mean you should never assist anyone in need . The key is to exhibit a healthy balance of saying yes and no to the people and situations that arise in your life . By continuously saying “ Yes ” to favors and requests made by the same person , you are actually crippling them . Needless to say , that is not helpful to either party involved . When you set your limits and exercise your God-given right to decline , you force the other person to let go of their crutch — which is You ! Supporting a scenario where they must learn to depend on themselves alone could possibly be the most helpful thing you can do for them . In the end , it is better than any favor you otherwise would have agreed to . And it may be the one last push they needed , so they can recognize their own hidden ability to be self-sufficient .
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