Caught, quarter four, prose , page 27
During Spring Break, I went fishing with my dad and caught a fish that did not have a tail at all. The fish really intrigued me and inspired me to write a piece about
why the fish had no tail. At first, I was going to write a poem about simply what it felt to catch a fish, but then I got inspired and wrote from the perspective of the fish
and started to add tons of elements to tell the story of how he lost his tail. The piece was very benefited from feedback. At first it was to boring with very few details.
Using the feedback I added a background story about the fish because it was very unclear were he came from and what was his job. I also added more details to the
part where he gets attacked by a shark to make it more dramatic. I think this is an average piece because the storyline could definitely have more structure since
there are a lot of ideas going on instead of just focusing in one. For this piece, I tried my best to have the perspective of the fish as realistic as possible and think this
quote really shows it, “I felt my entire body on fire, it was like a massive explosion that would never end. The best thing for me know would be to get released to the
surface, stop breeding, and stop the suffering that was already killing me. ”This piece could really benefit if it had received more feedback because some elements
are still unclear or confusing like “The Cave” a place where sharks live. That idea seems to be very of topic in relation to the story and changing or adding some
background would make it better.
Two Words. Eight Letters, quarter four, poem , page 29
This piece evolved before Mother’s day. In class, we were suggested to write something related to our mother’s and I really got inspired with the prompt. I kept
thinking about how we forget to thank our parents and decided to write a piece about being thankful. At first, the piece talked about both mom and dad, but then I
decided to focus it on just the mother and how she is always there to help. This piece did not go through a lot of revision. But I did change a lot of the words because
the word choice was too boring and made the piece lose the flow. I also worked on removing some phrases that said the same thing, but had a different wording.
This is an average- weak piece because the descriptions are way too simple. But, I like it because of the message it wants the reader to get, which is to be thankful
to their mothers. My strength in this piece was the use of numbers to make my statement more powerful like it is shown in the quote, “ Those eight letters can make
her day”. It made the entire stanza have a more intim ate effect. This piece needs a lot of improvement. Some improvement could include adding more examples of
situations in which mothers are helping and we aren’t thankful to make the message even more powerful.
Auschwitz, quarter four, poem , page 30
For Week Without Walls I travelled to Europe, to further learn about World War 2. During our trip we visited Auschwitz concentration camp and were lucky enough to
have a guided tour at night. The experience was terrifying, the camp made everyone of us feel sad and scared at the same time. The experience had to be recorded
somewhere so I decided to write a type of diary entry where I explained what I felt when I was inside the camp. As I started to develop the idea I changed completely
my plan. Instead of writing a diary entry I changed it to a poem so that the use of feeling was more dramatic. This piece did not go through a lot of revision, yet I tried
to work a lot with details avoiding telling instead of showing. I also expanded on the feeling of actually being inside the chamber and watching all the scratches on
the walls. This is an average piece because the storyline could be extended by adding details about entering the camp and then entering the chamber. Yet, I really
like this piece because I managed to express what I felt when I was in the guided tour. The strength in this piece was how realistic it was to what I felt and saw during
the visit. The quote, “I looked around and the only thing visible was a candle, Shining in the dark, It glimmered and heated a minuscule space,” really represents
what I saw in the camp and how dramatic the place looked with very few light. This piece still needs a lot of improvement especially in the development of the
character. I think that by adding a few more actions inside the chamber the personality of the character would be stronger and not as weak as it is now.
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