Writers Tricks of the Trade May-June 2015 | Page 14
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MAY-JUNE 2015
THE CASE OF THIRD-PERSON
To simplify this discussion, since the inspiration for this article was a thirdperson novel, we’ll delve into the mechanics of that one.
This story has multiple characters and each chapter, for the most part, switches
between characters. The issues are that the POVs are mixed. This is a common
forest-through-the-trees problem with any rough draft. You get into a writing
frenzy, and even though the grammar may be relatively clean and the prose in
pretty decent shape, the structure and what comes out may be a little mixed.
You tend to head-hop and mix characters up and run thoughts together.
One character starts driving a scene, but before you know it, one of the other
characters creeps in and takes over, only to have the other character take over
again. I’m, of course, describing head-hopping, but in this case, it’s
unintentional.
What this leads to is a weaker scene overall. With no focus, it leads to telling
more than showing.
I also found a lot of the narrative was just action and then dialogue, but no
thoughts and feelings. It switched from one character to the next with no
particular character driving the scene. All tell, like a screenplay where it’s up to
the actors to show all the emotion. In this case, it was up to the reader to fill in
all the emotion.
It’s easy to fall into this trap, where you just want to get the story out and
forget that there are people involved. I’ve done it plenty, especially on early
drafts of my first Gold series novels. I’ve still wrote occasional stretches where I
for