supposed to live up to our ‘Facebook face’ and Skillet asked me to audition eleven years ago, So stepping out on stage with Skillet has been,
that can become a real trap. In fact, you talk I said no because the idea of playing in front of “Thank you God that you are with me, and
about this in your bio. What are your thoughts people just terrified me. I was a teenager, so that’s the reason I’m not afraid. You make me
on tearing down the temptation to hide behind I’d kind of become quite self-aware and self- strong.” It was a dependence on Him in my
a mask in social media instead of asking for conscious, and just the idea of feeling stretched calling, that even though I had been stretching,
help from those around us? like that, I just didn’t want to do it. I was praying that I actually was really thankful for. A few years
about it, and I felt like God spoke to me through ago, when I was working towards the “Ledger”
[Jen] I think we’re just living in a time that’s Isaiah 41, “Do not fear for I am with you. Do not project, I suddenly started having really intense
so polished and so tilted in how we represent dismay for I am your God. I will strengthen you panic attacks and severe anxiety, and it was
ourselves to the world. It’s always the nicest and I will help you and I will uphold you.” I knew incredibly defeating. It was almost disorienting,
version of how the reality was. What I’ve it was God speaking to me to try out for Skillet, like, “Who am I?” I’d had to overcome fear
learned from talking about the reasons behind so I did it. But going into it I thought, “I know a bit, but this was like a whole other level of
“Not Dead Yet” is how many people struggle I’m being obedient to the Lord…” but I was so feeling actual terror. It was horrible, and after
with feeling anxious and feeling afraid, and sure it wouldn’t be me they’d use on the drums wrestling my way through it and getting out of
having panic and anxiety attacks. I guess I just because I just didn’t think I was good enough. that season, I though that must have been the
see the correlation between the culture we’re I was so sure it was just to teach me some sort worst of it, and I’d finally gotten victory over it
living in and how we’re actually struggling in our of humility or character. I did n’t know what He once and for all.
hearts. We’ve kind of lost our sense of reality was doing, but in the end, just stepping out and it makes us feel kind of broken and kind in obedience, God made it so clear that this Then a year later, after not struggling with it at
of behind. was the path that He had for me. It was just all, I felt that same panic come back on into
stretching that made me face the fact that I just my heart one time when I was out of stage
feel afraid a lot. with Skillet. I came off stage and I just felt so
For me, something I’ve struggled with my whole
life is overcoming fear and self-doubt. When
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defeated. I’d been touring for nine or ten years,
October 2018
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