the remedy to being swept away by all of it is often … to refuse . To step out of that stream and its demands . To slow down , and to only concern myself with what is stirring in me specifically .
When I don ’ t craft the songs that are just for me to sing , I miss out on some of the most formative experiences I can have … as a person , as an artist , and as a composer of the sacred .
Not everything I long to write will make sense to a bunch of people of varying ages and backgrounds , but part of me groans to express myself in that way just the same . There are spiritual things I feel intensely that I simply cannot articulate in a way that belongs to everyone . And so , when I write without focusing on how other people will perceive or engage a song , it can be deeply liberating . I can say what I need to say — without worrying about its broad applicability and accessibility , and without needing to qualify or explain any of it . Because the One who is listening already knows .
And there is rest in that .
Besides , the songs that are for me alone to sing still prepare me for the next piece of music I have to offer the church anyway . They clear my poetic cobwebs and restore my balance . Without those songs , my ideas become more cluttered because I ’ m assuming all of them might have some ultimate congregational application . But writing in a way that is meant to be no one ’ s expression but my own can be like Marie Kondo entering my own creative process , coming in to restore order and purpose , and reminding me of what things are relevant to different contexts .
Some might think that writing for no congregation , and no audience outside of God , is a waste of time and potential material , but it ’ s not . It ’ s an essential part of artistry and being in touch with your own craft . It provides you a canvas on which to explore the deepest and most dense ideas you have . And honoring the most deep and dense ideas within you is not a selfish indulgence or a frivolous thing . In fact , it ’ s helpful in orienting ( and reorienting ) yourself as an artist . It clarifies and shapes everything else you create . Your deepest and most dense expressions may be all over the place , but they will teach you . They will bring new things to the surface that you can utilize pieces of later , because they will remind you of who you specifically are as a songwriter .
Your songs have something no one else ’ s songs will have : you .
That ’ s important . You have a particular vantage and perspective that is all your own . And losing touch with the songs that are just for you can mean losing touch with the compass you bring when you write for everyone .
Don ’ t lose that compass .
Kevin MacDougall Worship leader , published and recorded songwriter , musician and podcast producer . macdougall . k @ gmail . com