director ’ s wife playing the organ . And that was all you really had on stage . Then I walked into The Vineyard Church and they were drinking coffee and eating donuts in southern California around round tables . And I was just like , this is horrifying ! The worship leader had a punk rock haircut , playing a keyboard with a full band . But the music began to play , and I just started sobbing . And I didn ’ t understand , uh , at the time that singing songs about God in hymns and singing songs to God in those services was a kind of emotional upheaval of a search I started doing as a teenager for the Lord .
So watching that particular worship leader behind the piano , I just was like , whoa , that ’ s so different . There were not a lot of words to classify what that was . I was a theater major . I was gonna be an actress . My vocal technique at the time was very stage “ performancy ”. There was a big Broadway star at the time named Ethel Merman . My Mother used to always joke around with me and say , “ If you didn ’ t try so hard to sound like this woman , you might actually have a really good voice ”. I was just so focused on Broadway . But I started taking piano lessons at about 11 , because my older sister was taking them . Really , it was out of jealousy I started piano because she was like Marsha Brady to me . She was so pretty , and I just felt like the dumpy stepsister . So , I thought , maybe I can just have all the gifts and talents . So , I asked for piano lessons to simply one up her . But when I started playing piano , I realized that it was connected to some internal part of me that was like a caged bird that needed to get out . My Mom worked at this Baptist Church , after I graduated high school , and I would have the bus drop me off near there . There would be about two hours I had until she got off work , and I would walk into that dark sanctuary , only lit by the stained-glass windows , and I would just play that grand piano . I just started writing these letters to the Lord , much like those songs that were at The Vineyard . They were just soul songs . I wanted to tell God that I love him up close , not really even knowing that that was worship .
I still wanted to be an actress and still thought that ’ s what I would do with my life . Then my Mom got sick with cancer when I was 20 . My Father had died of cancer when I was nine , so it was a big deal , almost like a fear factor thing of like “ what if this happens again ?” I remember I had this encounter with the Lord , and I felt Him say on a drive home one night , “ I don ’ t want you to act anymore .” And I just said , well , “ You ’ d have to give me a really great reason because this is where my money is and this is what I ’ m good at .” And He said , “ You act because you would hate who you are and you love being somebody else in character for that two hour clip . But when you sit down to piano and you write Me letters and you just sing , I get all of that , and that ’ s what I want you to do