best that we have. Sometimes you have to be made. I needed to apologize, and I told Him, analytical, or just second-guess myself, I just go
really humble and recognize that just because “God, I’ve been ashamed for not sounding to the piano and play. I play until I feel grounded
you can sing doesn’t mean that you’re singing more like (insert favorite worship leader name and connected again. There’s something that
it right, technically. That has been something here), but You gave me, and only me, my voice, happens with that instrument that doesn’t
that Bethel has invested into us, which I so and I need to own that.” I began to realize, as happen with anything else.
appreciate. He told me what my voice did, He didn’t speak at all to what anyone thought of it or whether All of us have a history of the way that we
anyone liked it. Maybe it doesn’t matter what discover, go after, and pursue God. It’s our own
everyone else thinks. Maybe there’s more of way, and our own language and understanding.
a purpose than everybody approving of you. I We let Him into our understanding to expand it.
try to carry that now, not in an arrogant way, That practice will follow us through our lives. I
and I’m not just trying to disregard people’s just want to be attentive to the season that I’m
opinions. He gave me a good gift when He in, and to pay attention to it and capture it and
gave me my voice. I need to have the humility write it down. And I want to share it and be as
to say, “God, You did a good job when you authentic and vulnerable as I can be. As I grow
made me, and I’m going to use my voice and in that, it will be even more true. Styles change,
make it the best that I can make it.” trends change, sounds change, and I don’t
want to just get stuck in one thing. There will
Ricola! [Amanda] I think we’re always growing. always be things that speak to you and move
There are certain things, for me, that I return to. you, like strings and horns and classical music
As far as finding your own voice, I always find The piano, in particular, is something I always for me. But I think that styles are meant to serve
that people are more insecure about that than come back to. If nothing else makes sense, the substance.
they might even let on. For me, I hated the and I get too crowded in my head and get too
sound of my voice. I knew I had a message,
but it felt like a vehicle where I was just asking
people to ignore the rust and trust that I would
get them somewhere. I had all of these different
ways where I wanted to make it feel okay and
not be so insecure, so I began to negotiate with
the Lord, maybe if I heard from three people
that they liked it, then I would change my mind.
Or maybe if Brian and Jenn said that they liked
my voice, then certainly I would like my voice
too. One day the Lord interrupted me and said,
“You know, you never asked Me what I think
about your voice.” And I felt like, “Wow!” I had
been searching everywhere, high and low, for
affirmation, and I had never asked Him. So,
I closed my eyes, and He began to speak to
me about my voice and about what it does. He
told me about how angels start spinning when
they hear my voice, and about how heaven
and earth shakes, and how the Northern Lights
begin to dance, and all of these things that I
never would have thought about myself. I heard
the Lord’s perspective: He gave me my voice,
and I don’t get to sit and critique it. It’s a gift
from God and He’s proud of it, so who am I
to stand in judgment of a good thing that God
June 2018
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