everyone praised in 2013 f-f-five – two. Now gosh darnit the fat lady had sung her last, well if not her last tune, then I at least was fed up with looking like her.
Food is for wimps
The coming day I was supposed to shoot a Ford 54 custom but most of all I was starting the five-two diet. I remembered precisely how the diet worked. 600 calories a day was the deal. EASY! I persuaded myself into thinking:
– Food is overrated what the heck.. American car enthusiasts don’t eat food. Food is for wimps!
I lived on the dream of a Dodge Charger, a tin of tuna, an apple, two boiled eggs, shot the custom car, walked four miles and fell asleep. Three weeks later I was standing on Dollar Tree in Marko Island and leaned ten degrees on portside. Life was over. Nothing was fun anymore.
Free Fall
The Florida sun was a ridiculous lamp that might as well could have self eclipsed the rest of the year. The warm ocean nothing other than a lukewarm fluid and who want that icky stuff around the calves. The hot rod in the parking lot turned into a boring home project and the palm leaves outside a slippery substitute if the toilet roll happened to be empty. I fell asleep there. If the legs had remembered to fold it would have been a complete faint. But I awoke as my feet took one step forward in the shopping line and the massive Åre mountain leaned back for just a second. Regained balance, was sweating
heavily with a taste of ammoniac in my mouth.
Mmm …
– This is never going to work, I thought. Took candy from the shelf and a soda, paid, sat down in my car and inhaled everything.
- Mmm, it sure is wonderful with summer. Mmmm, what a day! Mmm the time is only 2 PM and tonight there’s a small car meet outside Dairy Queen. That will be fun.
- Mmm it’s so nice in the shadow of the palm trees.
I have to Google that shit, I thought. It turned out five-two means that you get to eat normally during five days and then eat 600 calories during two days. I had done the complete opposite.
Hung up the phone
After three weeks and fifteen days of eternal walks and “food is for wimps” the light apparently turned off. I called home to Myran and whined.
– You are so stupid that I’m not even goanna comment, she said.
– That five-two thingy was no good, I almost sat down in the shopping cart, I said.
She hung up the phone.
To 198 lbs and beyond
I have turned the days around by now and 1959 Cadillacs are pretty again. It so happens that this day is a “food is for wimps-day” but it’s really going fine and tonight I’m goanna zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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