I am a blessed person. To have had a mother and father such as mine, along with a caring brother, and all around a close knit, thoughtful, loving family. I never imagined hitting a dirt road as hard as I did.
The school day had just ended when I received a call from my dad, frantically telling me to get home quickly because my mom was in the hospital. People around me were staring at me, my friends were questioning why I looked like I was about to burst into tears. I wondered how such a quick conversation on the phone could bring such an abrupt turn and bring nothing but a rush of tears and circling emotional thoughts.
My mom had been sick with MS for a few months before I got that phone call, but soon after it escalated in an instant. The disease was eating her alive, to the point where I couldn’t bear to see her. My dad and brother spent most of their time by her side in the nursing home, whereas I spent my time as far away as I could. I distanced myself from my family and barricaded myself away from my own home. My emotions remained bottled up and I didn’t say a word to a single soul about what was happening, I pretended to be happy and hid my grief with some sort of fake smile.
I knew the day was going to come, and it had to be faced; we all saw it coming but no one ever said anything to one another. We refused to believe it was true. A few months after my mom was brought to the hospital, my dad sat my brother and I down, he handed both of us small booklets titled “Gone From my Sight.” He told us to cancel our plans for the day and to be prepared for the worst. That’s when my entire perspective changed. I suddenly regretted my actions and picked apart everything I did wrong. I should’ve spent every waking hour by my mother's side, I don’t quite understand what my logic was and why I didn’t decide to do the right thing. I couldn’t stand seeing my mother the way she was, but I wish I had seized the opportunity and did what was best.
I spent that night next to my mother, I knew what to expect, I knew that it would be obvious when my mom was no longer there. I didn’t leave her side once, not even to get food or a drink. I was there for my dad and brother, and I was there for my mom in her need of comfort, love, and affection. There was extended family in the room with us, which comforted me and acted as a relief. We exchanged some laughs and talked about the unforgettable memories we all shared with my mom. We all sat quietly for the rest of the night, until we knew it was time; my mother was no longer suffering. I believe that night changed me the most, 19 years of my life and I’ve never gone through such a dramatic transformation.
I am not proud to say I have my fair share of regrets, but I accept where I went wrong and have allowed it to mold who I have become. I have come to realize it is important to cherish the precious moments and things in life, to not take anything for granted. Although I’m not an open book about this topic, I have enough confidence and dignity to talk about my problems instead of keeping them locked up inside. Over the years, strength is the hardest thing I’ve had to learn to come to terms with, but I believe difficult roads always lead to beautiful destinations.
Learning To Cope And Gaining Strength
By: Erin Clayton