What’s your name?
Amanda Rose
How old are you?
20 years old
Tell us about yourself!
Well I’m in my second year of college and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, who can do so much better then me, for almost 6 months. I have only a few friends, some close, some just friends. I live with my mom, grandparents, sister, her fiance, and her baby in one small house with only four bedrooms and two bathrooms and I am currently working at Dairy Queen part time.
When did you start self harming/ having an eating disorder?
Almost a years ago was the time that I really started to self-harm. I did it four years ago but they weren’t deep nor were there that many and then I didn’t do it until my boyfriend broke up with me nearly a year ago. I had just lost my cousin who was like a brother to me because his roommate shot him, I was doing bad in college, and my family was making me feel worthless and the break up was the tipping point. After that I started self-harming a lot and realized that I was fat. I have over 100 scars and when I had my eating disorder I was only eating 300 calories a day, sometimes nothing.
Do you know what caused it?
I’ve had depression for over four years so I wasn’t good to start off with but like I said before. A death in the family, college, my family and then my, now, ex was just to much for me. Along with a bunch of kids at school always making fun of me and calling me a freak.
What caused you to want to recover?
I realized that if I actually went through and killed myself that my little niece wouldn’t remember me. She’s only a year old so if I suddenly just disappeared then she wouldn’t even know that I existed except through photos and maybe videos. She wouldn’t know how I really acted or how much I love her. It gave me a shock to go to the hospital for help.
Is recovery hard?
My family and friends always ask me that and what they don’t seem to get is yes, it is so difficult that sometimes I just want to lay there and not even try to get better. You always feel like you make it one step forward someone says something or does something and you get down and then your two steps back again. It’s really draining to go through it everyday and not get very far.