Women Shining Magazine Women Shining Spring 2018 | Page 33

She-Vivor
Myth #1: The Perfect Partner
Let me begin by saying what I’m sure you
already know - there is no such thing as a
Perfect Partner.
In my personal and professional opinion, the
concept of a Perfect Partner is a fantasy sold
to us through most songs, paperback romance
novels, and even most Disney movies (it starts
when we are young)!
It’s a widely held social belief that most Millenials
have, so we hold out for The Perfect Partner.
Waiting for this Perfect Partner often causes
us to have unrealistic expectations of others
(and often of ourselves too), which can lead to
a great deal of emotional pain in and out of
relationships.
So what’s the alternative - “Give up the idea of
a Perfect Partner and settle?!” No, however, it
may be time to rethink our expectations.
I recently found an article by Donald Winnicott,
MD about the “Good Enough Parent.” And
there have been articles written to suggest
to take the concepts and apply them to
relationships, in other words - “What’s a Good
Enough Partner?”
In real life, this might look like someone who
meets most of our deep needs but not all of our
surface wants.
It might mean a partner who, because of their
imperfections, actually allows us to grow
stronger in our personal empowerment and in
our ability to navigate through the world.
This might allow us to more easefully connect
and form relationships with others we may
have previously disregarded because they didn’t
measure up to our fantasy of “Perfect”.
So what qualities does a
good enough partner have?
Qualities that can’t be seen by eye but instead
felt through the heart and soul. In other words,
it’s the exact opposite of a Dream Partner List
that requires someone be 6 foot or over, highly
educated, with a big salary, great wardrobe, and
thick wavy hair.
A Good Enough Partner might be a partner who
had sound relational instincts, devotion to the
relationship, and who screwed up or “failed” in
ways that actually helped foster our own growth
and development as adults.
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