BY: LIZ FLEMING
Betcha kinda wish he’d drop by
and deflect some negative energy
once in a while now, don’t you?
Me too, but I’m not expecting the
man of steel to show up any time
soon. Instead, I’ve gathered some
strategies for dealing with emotional
Kryptonite and I’m ready to share.
No worries Lois – you can save yourself!
More often than not, negative energy
doesn’t shower down from a single
large bucket of misery but rather
leeches imperceptibly out of many tiny
sources – mostly human. There’s the
grumpy cashier at the grocery store;
Remember the way you used to duck
that persistent guy who wanted to ask
you out in high school? It’s the same
thing. You have caller ID on your phone,
so don’t pick up when Debbie Downer
calls. Choose another line at the grocery
store and (yes…take a deep breath…
you can do this) change your hairstylist. If asking for someone new at your
current salon feels too awkward, switch
shops. Ask a friend whose hair you love
where she goes. You shouldn’t be paying good money for a bad experience.
If avoidance isn’t possible – if for
example, that breath of bad energy is
coming straight from your boss’ mouth –
rehash her every word would be a good
idea. Not. In fact, studies show that,
after the initial relief of sharing your
irritation about an unpleasant situation, any further conversation on that
negative topic only increases feelings
of anger and frustration. We do truly
feed off one another’s negativity.
Instead, when you get together with
your work buddies to do something
fun – like drinks after the five o’clock
bell rings – make it a rule that no one
will talk about you-know-who. The
first person to break the rule buys.
Speaking of spending time with friends
– be choosy. You know which of your
THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WHILE YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO CONTROL THE NEGATIVE ENERGY IN YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES,
YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW YOU DEAL WITH IT
the droning hairstylist who never has
time to get your hair quite right but can
fill you in on every nasty bit of gossip
she’s heard in the last week; the friend
on the phone who’s dying to complain
about everything from her health, to her
boss, to the weather; and the elderly
aunt who always has something to
say about your weight – and it’s never
encouraging. Each little blasty of nasty
is minor in itself, but in combination,
can create a negativity cloud that
will rain directly on your parade.
So…what’s the strategy? You can’t
actually bounce these people off your
chest like the man of steel but you
can block their negative energy. Start
with good old avoidance techniques.
you may need to step up your deflection
techniques. Sometimes, shrinking the
situation down to size is the answer.
Yes, your boss is curt and abrupt with
you – but she treats everyone that way.
You’re not being singled out. Grandma
used to say “Misery likes company”
and she was right. Once you realize that
your boss has a pattern of bitchy behaviour, you might even be able to take
a perverse joy in charting it. Bet with
yourself to see how long it will take her
to say something horrid each morning,
then enjoy a reward when you hit the
time dead on. It’s a bit twisted, but fun!
You might think that getting together
with your colleagues to vent and
buddies beam out positive vibes…the
ones that always leave you with a laugh,
or a kind word or a bit of good news.
Seek them out and make coffee dates
with them a top priority, particularly
if that will mean you’re too busy ever
to get together with Debbie Downer.
Sometimes, negative energy comes
from situations rather than people.
Illness, job loss, money problems, family
breakups…these are all huge sources
of negative energy and often, avoiding or ignoring them isn’t an option.
The good news is that while you may
not be able to control the negative
energy in your circumstances, you
can choose how you deal with it.
spring 2016 | wo magazine | 37