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Dating
with Children
Part II
SINGLE PARENTING
I
— by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT
n Part I, last month, we looked at the dating scene from
a single parent’s perspective and came to the conclu-
sion that it is vital for a single parent to work on his
or her own personal growth before considering a serious dat-
ing relationship. Once you’ve grown to the point when you are
ready to share your life with another person, you will have to
face some obstacles that are unique to the single-parent dating
experience. These obstacles have to do with your children.
When to introduce the children to your new dating partner
has a common sense answer that is too often ignored. Children
who have experienced the death of a parent or divorce will
be sensitive to losing another significant person in their lives.
Don’t be surprised if they keep their distance for a long time af-
ter you’ve made the initial introduction. Their natural defenses
to not get too close, for fear of being hurt by another loss, will
be very strong during this period.
NOTICE OF NONDISCRIMINATORY
POLICY AS TO STUDENTS
First Trinity Preschool of Tonawanda admits students of any race,
color, national and ethnic origin to all the rights, privileges, programs
and activities generally accorded or made available to students at
the school. It does not discriminate on the basis of race, color,
national and ethnic origin in administration of its education policies,
admissions policies and other school administered programs.
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Think about it: if you get your child involved with your
new partner, who suddenly drops out of the picture in a month
or two, what have you done to your child’s sense of trust? Be
extremely sensitive to their defenses and don’t rush introduc-
tions until you’re sure the relationship is solid.
Children are also prone to express jealousy toward your
new relationship when they feel the threat of losing you to
someone else. Having already lost one parent, they can have a
difficult time dealing with the thought of losing you to someone
else. When they become overly protective, express disapproval
of your new dating life, or misbehave to get back at you for
making dating choices, don’t retaliate with anger or stop dat-
ing to appease them. Instead, listen to what they have to say.
Continually assure them that you will not make a permanent
decision about bringing someone new into your lives unless you
feel it will be good for everyone. Ask them to trust you and be
especially loving toward them during this time.
It’s easy to want to spend every waking hour with someone
when you fall head-over-heels in love, but keep a clear mind.
Create some distance between you and your new partner by
blocking time to spend alone with your kids. This will give you
a chance to take a step back and examine the new relationship.
continued on page 69