Coping With Role Reversal When
You’re Caring for Your Parent
W
— by Cheryl Maguire
hen Lisa, age 57, first noticed that her mother
seemed confused, she assumed it was typical
behavior from an 80-year-old. She continued to
take it in stride when her mother tried to make a phone call us-
ing the TV remote. Lisa became somewhat concerned when her
mother started sautéing onions in a pan and then walked outside
to get the mail, forgetting the stove was on. When her mother
began seeing her long-dead mother in bed with her, Lisa real-
ized there was more to the picture than normal aging. She knew
her mother required full-time care.
How Many People Provide Care For Their Parents?
Lisa is not a rarity. According to the Pew Research Center,
there are 40.4 million unpaid caregivers of adults ages 65 and
older in the United States. Ninety percent of those caregivers
are related to the care recipient.
More families in the coming decades will be faced with
what is referred to as being the “sandwich generation,” mean-
ing that adults will provide care for both their parents and their
grandparents, says Dr. Lisa Hollis-Sawyer, Gerontology Pro-
gram Coordinator at Northeastern Illinois University.
How Does It Feel Being A Caregiver For Your Parent?
Hollis-Sawyer says, “Families rarely anticipate that their
parent will need care.” This lack of planning can result in a
breakdown of communication, leading to stress and frustration
among family members. She recommends discussing a “care
plan” with your parents before it becomes necessary.
Hollis-Sawyer researched daughters who provided care
for their mothers. She found their previous relationship influ-
enced how the daughter felt about their role as a caregiver. If
the daughter had a positive relationship with their mother, often
they felt happy to be a caregiver since they thought they were
reciprocating care their mother provided for them as a child. On
the other hand, if the daughter had a negative relationship with
their mother when growing up then they felt resentful about
their caregiver role.
Hollis-Sawyer found that the care recipient felt guilty or a
burden on their child regardless of their previous relationship.
Even though it is no fault of their own that they required care,
the care recipient felt as if they failed at being a parent.
How Can You Cope With Caring For Your Parent?
40 WNY Family March 2020
Your role as a caregiver can be less stressful if you have
open communication with other family members and with the
care recipient. Hollis-Sawyer stresses the importance of asking
for help when needed and expressing your feelings about the
situation. She also suggests talking to the care recipient about
their feelings or what they need assistance doing and ways they
can be independent.