RAISING DIGITAL KIDS day that you can do where you can set
your phone aside.
— by Mike Daugherty Putting your phone away for an hour
or two sounds easy, but it is harder than
you think. The average person would
check their phone twelve times during
that two hours. If you can’t bear to leave
your phone behind or you don’t feel safe
without it, make sure you turn off your
notifications so you can enjoy the time,
distraction-free. Putting your phone in
airplane mode is even better as it elimi-
nates all pings, calls, and notifications.
Continuous Partial Attention
S
martphones have revolution-
ized the way we communi-
cate, do business, exercise,
and so much more. It is hard to imagine
a world without these amazingly con-
nected, helpful devices. There is a trad-
eoff for all of these digital conveniences,
though. A study from 2017 found that
the average American adult cannot go
much more than 10 minutes without
looking at their smartphone. This means,
on average, we check our phones over
eighty times each day.
This fact did not surprise me as
much as it probably should have. It’s
probably safe to say we are all guilty
of this at some level. As a coach, I can-
not count the number of times I’ve wit-
nessed a parent miss a great play/shot/
block from their son or daughter because
they were looking at their phone during
a game. Even smaller moments at home
may go unnoticed due to a distracting
text, disruptive chirp, or some other
interrupting notification. We often talk
about technology addiction in children,
but as adults, what message are we send-
ing our kids when we are always pulling
out our phones?
Aside from missing moments in
our kid’s lives, another study looked at
the interaction between caregivers and
children during mealtime as it related to
technology usage. A direct quote from
the findings:
18 WNY Family February 2020
“Caregivers absorbed in devices
frequently ignored the child’s behav-
ior for a while and then reacted with a
scolding tone of voice, gave repeated
instructions in a somewhat robotic man-
ner (e.g., without looking at the child or
relevant to child behavior), seemed in-
sensitive to the child’s expressed needs,
or used physical responses.”
I think we can all relate to this as
well. No one is perfect. You pull out
your phone to check something and get
engrossed in what you’re doing. It can
be frustrating when you get interrupted,
and that frustration can manifest itself in
a variety of ways.
I am not suggesting that everyone is
addicted to their smartphone or that we
should all go back to the rotary phones
of the 80s. After reading quite a few
articles during my research for this col-
umn, I do believe that “distracted parent-
ing” or “continuous partial attention” is
harming our kids. There are ways to help
control some of these bad habits, so you
can have a healthy phone/life balance.
Prioritize Time with
Your Children
Set aside time each day to spend
phone-free time with your kids. Ideally,
please leave your phone at home and
take them outside. Go on a walk, hike,
or bike ride. Play a game of basketball or
catch. Can’t go out? Play a board game
or cook with them. Find an activity each
If you do need your phone during
this time, clearly explain why you are
using it. For example, “Let’s use this to
look up the ingredients we need for this
recipe.” or “We should call Grandma for
her opinion.”
Social Media
“Office Hours”
We love our peeks into our friend’s
lives, but those glances shouldn’t take
away from your life. Choose a time
during the day when you plan to check
social media instead of checking it fre-
quently throughout the day. One article
I read referred to these as office hours.
Pick a time while the kids nap, after they
leave for school, or after they fall asleep
to get your Instagram, Twitter, and/or
Facebook fix.
Eye Contact
Making eye contact is extremely
important when having a conversation
with your children. It shows them that
you are present. Whatever you two are
talking about is more important than the
rest of the world around them. It is dif-
ficult to make good eye contact when you
are staring at the screen in your hand. Be
mindful of this and put your phone down
when speaking/listening to your children.
There’s An App for That
Kevin Holesh, a software developer
in California, recognized the impact his
smartphone was having on his relation-
ships. He created “Moment” to combat
the everyday distractions of our digital
devices. Moment “helps people discon-
nect from their phones and get back their
time.”