Daughter
&
d
a
D
Dcuns
M
by Patrick and J.L. Hempfing
y 10-year-old daughter,
Jessie, doesn’t
seem to
understand the sim-
plest of phrases. She
is a strong reader and
a good writer, so she
obviously has com-
mand of the English
language.
That’s
why I’m baffled
by her inability
to comprehend
clear sentences
such as:
“Jessie,
make your bed.”
“Clean up your room, Jessie”
“You have 10 minutes to get ready
before it’s time to leave.”
Doesn’t Jessie understand the lan-
guage I speak? Of course, she does, and
I’m sure I’m not the only parent who ut-
ters the above requests — often.
But I wonder, why is it that my
words don’t have the intended effect?
During a recent game of basketball
in the driveway, I used the word “B-
ball.” Jessie’s eyes squinted like some-
one had just scratched a chalkboard with
their fingernails.
“B-ball!”
Apparently, there are times when
the words from my mouth don’t settle
well on Jessie’s ears. I asked her to share
her impression of my language for this
column. Here are her thoughts:
Jessie, Age 10
I love my dad a lot, but sometimes
it can be kind of annoying when he says
things like “B-ball” instead of basket-
ball. It’s a little bit embarrassing, too.
32 WNY Family February 2019
Plus, isn’t “B-
ball” 15th cen-
tury?
Another thing
he says is, “She was
just my little baby,
now she’s 10!” He
has a point, but it’s
still embarrassing. I
do it, too. I do it to our
dog, Sadie. She is still
my little baby. Haven’t
we all felt the sadness and
joy of “She was just my little
baby?” Now let’s get back to
Daddy.
Wow! I’m caught off guard
by Jessie’s comments that my
vocabulary is “kind of annoying” and
“a little bit embarrassing.” I know I’m
an older dad, but “15th century”? I’ve
thought about confining her in the “dun-
geon” of her messy room until she man-
aged to clean it, but I never stated it.
Perhaps I could say, “Oh, tween
daughter, when your clothes disembark
from your body, please have them make
their way to the hamper in an orderly
fashion to await their date with our high-
efficiency, front-loaded washing ma-
chine.” Is that 21st century language?
Or as I stand by the door awaiting
the pleasure of Jessie’s company on
the drive to her school, I could inquire,
“Wherefore art thou, daughter?” Now
I’m talking 15th century.
My attempt at humor would likely
not impress Jessie. Yet, on a serious
note, I don’t want to have a communica-
tion gap with my daughter, and I certain-
ly don’t want my language to embarrass
her, especially in front of her friends. So,
I’m thankful Jessie expressed her true
thoughts. I want her to share her feelings
with her mom and me in a respectful
tone. Keeping an open path of commu-
nication between us will only grow more
important over the coming years.
The key point I learned from Jes-
sie’s comments is that my choice of
words matters. Lately, I’ve been thinking
about how I express myself and if there
are ways I can do it better. I like to be
funny and make people laugh. Perhaps I
go too far sometimes, talk too much, or
even repeat requests (clean your room)
or thoughts (She was just my little baby)
too many times. And I know that when
I’m stressed, I transmit it to others by
talking too much and too fast. So, I’m
going to try to be more intentional with
my language, though I realize that every
word, phrase, or sentence I speak will
not please everyone.
I’m reminded of the time I conclud-
ed a column with “I kissed my sleeping
angel on the forehead.”
“Dad, I don’t like sleeping angel.”
My mouth dropped. What’s wrong with
sleeping angel? It’s hard for a dad to
keep up with the sensibilities of a young
daughter, even if he tries. At least, I
didn’t say “princess.”
But whether my words are 15th or
21st century, one thing is certain ’tween
daughter and dad, I love my girl and my
girl loves me.
Until next month, remember to
cherish the moments. Happy Valentine’s
Day! Share kind words with loved ones
and make them feel special. “I love you”
is a phrase that can’t be repeated too
many times ... even to your dog who was
just a puppy.
Patrick Hempfing had a 20-year pro-
fessional career in banking, account-
ing, and auditing before he became
a father at age 44. He is now a full-
time husband, stay-at-home dad, and
writer. Follow Patrick at http://patrick-
hempfing.com. J. L. Hempfing, now
14, began writing with her dad in kin-
dergarten. Her current hobbies include
reading, writing, playing clarinet and
alto saxophone, and dancing. If you en-
joyed this column, you’ll like Patrick’s
first book, “MoMENts: A Dad Holds
On.” The book compiles favorite stories
and new material and is available for
sale on Amazon.