ings without taking into account you
and your family’s desires can cause un-
due anxiety, frustration and resentment.
10
“The holidays are about fam-
ily time, appreciating one another and
caring for each other. If the focus is
switched to the less important gift ex-
changes and gatherings, all planned at
the same time, you can’t enjoy the expe-
rience and the original meaning is lost,”
Flynn says.
Commandments
of Christmas
— by Christa Melnyk Hines
“For years, I ran through the Christmas season as if my hair was on fire. Then,
a couple of years ago, I woke up with a screaming sore throat and no voice
on Christmas morning. After all of my hard work, I was unable to partake in
the festivities, and my family ended up ordering in Chinese food for Christmas
dinner. Thank goodness our favorite restaurant was actually open.”
— Christa Melnyk Hines
W
ant to experience a more
joyful Christmas season
this year that doesn’t
leave you depleted, miserable and
broke? Here are 10 ways to shift your
perspective and take command of this
“hap-happiest” time of the year.
Thou shall quit
worshipping perfection.
Nothing burns holes into the fantasy
Christmas like real life. Maybe the tree
is lopsided, the dog ate your seven-year-
old’s gingerbread house, or you were
so focused on creating the best holiday
ever that you ended up too sick to enjoy
it when the big day finally arrived.
“Decide to do things differently this
year. Strive for the good & be satisfied
with the good. Too often the focus is on the
result, & we tend to lose focus on the beau-
tiful process of getting to the result,” says
therapist Julia Flynn, LCPC, CRADC.
Thou shall not overcommit.
Decide ahead of time which ac-
tivities won’t work this year. Instead of
committing to five parties and multiple
gift exchanges, choose a few that you’re
enthusiastic about attending.
“Be firm, decisive and assertive,
always coming from a place of love for
everyone and keeping the focus on the
origin of the holidays,” Flynn says, who
specializes in helping women manage
anxiety, depression and holiday over-
8 WNY Family December 2018
whelm. “Graciously decline and send a
nice card or note.”
Thou shall rediscover “the why.”
Take time to reevaluate your pri-
orities. How do you want Christmas to
feel? What do you want your kids to re-
member most?
“Sometimes we need to take a step
back and ask ourselves why Christmas is
important to us because I think ‘the why’
gets lost. It just becomes an expectation
of self and family-or whoever- to have it
look a certain way,” says Maki Moussavi,
a transformational coach, speaker, and
author of The Discomfort Zone (to be re-
leased spring 2019). “Take a step back to
assess, from an intangible, emotional per-
spective, why Christmas is important.”
Thou shall rest.
Self-care is essential all year long,
but especially during the extra busy hol-
idays when you’re stress level is more
likely to sky-rocket. Pare down your list
to what reasonably makes sense for your
health, time and emotional wellbeing.
And practice restorative techniques that
relax and re-energize you.
Simple ways to recharge include
a warm bath, watching a favorite TV
show, a walk outside, curling up with a
juicy novel, a nap or a massage.
Thou shall honor thy family.
Attempts to please others by saying
yes to everyone else’s holiday gather-
For those events that you’d like to
attend, but can’t, firmly communicate to
your extended family or friends that you
value time spent with them and would
like to discuss alternative ideas for get-
ting together. And, don’t feel guilty
about standing by your decisions.
“You have every right in the world
to establish what you want your Christ-
mas tradition to be. You are not obli-
gated to participate in somebody else’s
version of Christmas,” Moussavi says.
Thou shall invite thy
partner’s participation.
If you feel overwhelmed and
stressed because you’re trying to man-
age the bulk of holiday prep on top of
working and taking care of your family,
ask your spouse for help. Discuss what
you’d both like Christmas to look and
feel like.
“Sometimes it’s not that men don’t
want to be involved. It’s that they are
never invited to be, and they don’t ask,”
Moussavi says.
Maybe your husband can mail the
packages for out of town family, pur-
chase tickets to the Christmas play your
family wants to see, or take charge of a
few of the gifts.
Thou shall not allow others
to steal thy happiness.
Plan ahead for those individuals
who love to bait you into an upsetting
conversation at annual gatherings. Since
you know how the person is likely to
behave, rehearse how you will respond
when they pounce.
“The only thing you can do is get
better at making it clear what you will
and won’t tolerate,” Moussavi says.
“You have to shut it down. You standing
up for yourself is normal, empowered
adult behavior.”