Amy Przeworski, Ph.D., an assistant
professor of psychology at Case Western
Reserve University in Ohio, suggests
that parents help their teens purchase
necessities for college. She also recom-
mends buying a special present that will
remind a teen of home. “This could be
a picture frame with a family photo or a
nice print for their dorm wall.”
TWEENS & TEENS
— by Myrna Beth Haskell
Surviving
D-Day
Keep It Positive
Preparing for the
Day your Teen
Leaves for College
for the First Time
W
hen I welled up with
tears at my son’s final
high school concert dur-
ing the wind ensemble’s performance
of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way,” I knew I
would have a hard time dropping him off
at college.
I remember vividly when my first-
born left for the big city to start his fresh-
man year — he was leaving cow country
and mom’s lasagna for a high rise and a
hotdog cart. I had a whole range of emo-
tions — everything from excitement and
pride to fear and melancholy.
The next school year would surely
bring enormous change for everyone in-
volved — for my daughter who would
be the lone child residing full-time at
home, for my husband and I who would
have fewer school events to attend, and
for our dog — my son’s best friend —
whom I had envisioned sleeping by the
door until he came home for Thanksgiv-
ing.
I knew we all had to keep our emo-
tions at bay for my son’s sake, but I had
worried about the impending day for
months. I was determined to handle it
well — with a detailed list and an upbeat
attitude.
Looking back on it now, I can report
that we all handled the “big day” and the
changes that ensued with enthusiasm,
and everything worked out just fine.
32 WNY Family August 2019
Be Prepared
Suzanne Howell, director of resi-
dential life and housing at Binghamton
University, explains, “As the summer
gets into full swing, parents may no-
tice differences in their son or daughter,
themselves, or other family members as
everyone prepares for the student’s first
time at college and living away from
home.”
Howell tells parents to be prepared
that their teen will want to also spend
time with friends. “To avoid hurt feel-
ings, parents can set aside ‘family time’
— a vacation, a weekly family dinner,
or even a weekly college shopping day!”
Parents should be involved in the
physical preparation for college as well.
Your teen surely has conflicting
emotions as well, so parents should en-
courage an optimistic outlook.
Lisa Greenberg, Ph.D., a licensed
psychologist and parenting expert in
Madison, NJ, advises, “Parents should
know that it’s not the end of the world
if they get a little teary-eyed when they
drop their child off at college. On the
other hand, if a parent is concerned
about falling apart, it might be helpful to
warn the student in advance.” Greenberg
stresses that students shouldn’t feel re-
sponsible for cheering their parents up.
Parents can help by keeping the focus on
their teen and his positive energy.
Przeworski agrees. “This is a won-
derful opportunity for teens to learn,
experience new people, and gain inde-
pendence. A teen leaving for college
should be a joyful event.” Przeworski
says that it’s typical for parents to feel
sad, but they should try to emphasize the
excitement surrounding going to college
instead of negative emotions.
Parents should also validate their
teen’s feelings. “Most teens have mixed
feelings about going to school. If a teen
is worried, telling them not to worry
does not help,” reports Przeworski. She
suggests that parents tell their teen that
it’s normal to have mixed emotions.
Howell reminds us that everyone
handles change differently. “Simply be-
ing aware of and respecting each other’s
feelings about this transition is a great
start,” she adds.
Communication
Changes
Parents should be aware that they
will not have the same level of commu-
nication with the school or their teen.
“This is a point where parents need to