Daughter
&
d
a
D
Dcuns
by Patrick and J.L. Hempfing
Within Arm’s Reach
J
essie,
my
ten-year-old
daughter, is
changing. The physi-
cal changes are ob-
vious. A few weeks
ago, she wore a pair
of her mom’s shoes
to church. She’s go-
ing to be tall like her
daddy. Last sum-
mer when I raised
her bicycle seat, the
pole that holds the
seat pulled out of its
tube. I can’t raise it
any higher.
Jessie now owns
her own makeup bag, filled with blush-
es, mascara, lip sticks and glosses, and
whatever else ladies use to beautify
themselves. She’s using makeup more
often, too. Jessie also grew out her
bangs. Her new hairstyle took time to
grow on me, but I’ve adjusted. Here’s
one thing I haven’t adjusted well to —
the freedom she now seeks.
I started to see the signs when Jessie
was in second grade. “Friend time” be-
came more exciting than “Dad time.” I
knew the day would come, too, when
she would no longer want me to walk
her to her classroom, one of my favorite
daily activities. I made it through second
grade, but when she became a third-
grader, Jessie asked me to drop her off at
the entrance to the school building each
morning. I miss second grade.
Okay, I’ve heard all the stories
about the teen years. But this is only the
18 WNY Family August 2018
tween years. What
gives?
The last time
I took Jessie to our
church’s fall festi-
val, she quickly met
up with a friend and
they ran off to visit
the different booths
stationed all around
the parking lot. I
didn’t mind being
in the background
to watch them have
fun, but then it was
time for the hay wag-
on ride. “Dad, may
I take the ride with
just Alice?” My mouth said “Okay,” but
my heart said, “Nooooooooooo!” Later,
on the drive home, Jessie requested,
“Dad, can you just drop me off at the
festival next year and let me play with
my friends? You can talk with the other
parents.”
What? Now I can’t even watch?
Yes, Jessie is growing up quickly. I
realize that many “letting go” days are in
my future, but I’m going to do my share
of “holding on” whether Jessie likes it or
not. For example, each Sunday morning,
I drop Jessie off in front of our church
for Sunday school. She rushes up a flight
of stairs to her classroom while I park
the car. In recent weeks, before she gets
out of the car she has said, “Daddy, you
don’t have to check on me.” Sometimes
she repeats this statement, even though
she knows Dad isn’t going to listen. Af-
ter I park the car, I quietly walk past her
classroom to make sure she’s safe. Okay,
maybe I’m a bit overprotective, but I’d
rather err on the side of caution.
I realize I can’t always keep her
within arm’s reach, but how much free-
dom should I give her? It’s time for Jes-
sie’s point of view.
Jessie, Age 10
Good Grief! I’m ten years old. I
should be able to do some things without
my father behind me “fending off boys
with his imaginary golf club.” I should
be allowed to walk upstairs to the Sun-
day school classroom of our small-town
church. Next thing you know, he’ll be
bringing a bow and arrow to my school
dance. I need my freedom. I’m growing
up, and I think he’s starting to under-
stand.
A few months ago when she was still
9 years old, Jessie suggested we take one
of her 12-year-old friends on vacation
with us. She said, “The two of us would
make one adult, 12 + 9 = 21.” Clever, but
there’s no way I’m going to give Jessie
and any combination of her friends the
freedom of a 21-year-old woman. And
for the record, I have a complete set of
golf clubs, and they are real.
But whether Jessie is within arm’s
reach or just outside of it, one thing is
certain ’tween daughter and dad, I love
my girl and my girl loves me.
Until next month, remember to
cherish the moments. Enjoy the last few
weeks of summer! When school resumes,
if you still walk your child to the class-
room, hold hands and enjoy every step.
Patrick Hempfing had a 20-year pro-
fessional career in banking, account-
ing, and auditing before he became a
father at age 44. He is now a full-time
husband, stay-at-home dad, and writer.
Follow Patrick at http://patrickhempf-
ing.com. J.L. Hempfing, now 13, began
writing with her dad in kindergarten. Her
current hobbies include reading, writing,
playing clarinet and alto saxophone,
and dancing. If you enjoyed this column,
you’ll like Patrick’s first book, “Mo-
MENts: A Dad Holds On.” The book
compiles favorite stories and new mate-
rial and is available for sale on Amazon.