“ God ” without question ? No , sorry , not my style . I learned that the only forgiveness I ever needed was my own – “… and all will be forgiven , anyway ”.
Happy : During the writing process in 2020 , my husband asked me “ Do you ever write anything happy ?” I sat with that for a while . “ No ” was my answer . I wrote over 80 songs that year and almost every single one was sad , traumatic , painful , and broken . Is that really all I have to give ? Most songwriters start writing from life experience . Most of my album is just that – an autobiography of sorts , and for me to move forward , I had to document the past . All the pain , anger , frustration , hurt , upset , and trauma wrapped up in a beautifully packaged piece of reflective , clear polycarbonate plastic substrate , affectionately known as a CD . Through it all , I always had a smile on my face , even as I walked away from it .
Pills : Ah pills . Those glorious happy pills that we take . To forget . To numb . To cope . I was prescribed antidepressants in my mid 20 ’ s and I took them until I was 32 . They got me through some hard times , and I really did need them . They served a purpose . Pills was originally written to be an upbeat number like “ I Serve Only Me ” and “ Storm ” but it didn ’ t reflect what it felt like when I was taking them . I always felt kind of glazed and not myself . A half-present version of me . I knew I needed to come off them but the fear of not having that crux far outweighed the idea of being fully present . One day , I decided I didn ’ t want to take them anymore and I stopped taking them cold turkey ( I would NOT recommend this , it ’ s not safe to do it and you must always seek medical help when weaning yourself off any medication ). After weeks of sweats , nightmares and violent mood-swings , my body settled , and I could see clearly again .
( Quiet ): The pandemic isolated everyone . We struggled , collectively without interaction , without hugs , without goodbyes . I then started to think about people who couldn ’ t escape any more . There was no relief for those suffering domestic abuse . What happened to them ? Was their situation worse now ? Were they getting the help they needed ? How were they coping ? I had more questions than I had answers . Then there ’ s what happens afterwards . After they escaped their situation . After the suffering . What was happening to them now ? Were they getting the help they needed ? How were they coping ? A cluttered mind full of demons . Would they ever truly escape it ? All they ’ d need is some kind of relief … somewhere … quiet .
Alchemy : The first love song I ’ ve ever written . Initially it was supposed to be a generic love song i . e . not personal to me , but as I wrote the words it was easier to draw from my own feelings . It makes me feel warm , like I ’ m driving down Sunset Boulevard in LA , in a pink Cadillac , with the top down . I smile every time I hear it , not because it ’ s a love song but more because of how it makes me feel . It ’ s a sweet song that ’ s close to my heart . It ’ s also the title track and first single from the album so it will forever hold a special place in my heart .
Cleanse Me : I remember writing this song before lockdown . My husband and I went to the Lake District to stay at Whitbarrow Village ( highly recommended ) in Penrith . We were standing on the balcony , wrapped up in blankets and looking at the night sky , chatting about random things and winding down . It was a moment of peace and reflection for me , and if you hadn ’ t guessed by the lyrics , it was February ; “ Aphrodite love me , constellation ’ s dance , the belt of one Orion , tells the timing of romance , centre stage this time of year he wears it oh so proud , the flames of one blue running man , will arc a thundercloud ”. It ’ s a reference to the Running Man nebula , or what ’ s commonly known as Orion and that it was around Valentine ’ s Day . A time to renew our love and forgive the past .
Storm : Picture this : August 2005 , lying in the middle of a corn field , alone , in Poland . It ’ s 35 ° C and I ’ ve got Metallica ’ s “ S & M ” album on full blast on my Walkman . I am 17 years old , and I am confused . I ’ d just started my driving lessons and I was eager to prove to the world that I was growing up . I was excited , nervous , and itching to just get out there and be an adult . I ’ d split up with my first serious boyfriend after a whopping 18 months , and I was struggling .
How I wish I could talk to my seventeen-year-old self now and say , “ stay at home , save your money , and take your time . There ’ s no rush . You will love again .” I wrote Storm that night when I got home . Since then , it ’ s had many guises – it ’ s been a country song , R ’ n ’ B song , and even a full-on dance tune . It was never quite right , until now . I ’ ve finally found a composition that I like and that works well . I never changed the lyrics – they ’ re exactly as I wrote them in 2005 . I love the innocence in them , and the song reminds me of a simpler time .
Can ’ t Let Go : At 19 I fell for someone I couldn ’ t have . It was a tragic time because I knew he wanted to be with me too , but he was already in a relationship with a child on the way . I wasn ’ t prepared to split the family unit up as I ’ d come from a broken home myself , and I knew the pain that would inflict on the children , so I walked away . When writing songs , you often look back and write about things that seem poignant and relatable - this song shows the anguish and pain surrounding a love you can never have .
Loving In Sin : A song engulfed in the flames of adultery . Inspired by a couple I know who have recently gone through a divorce , I found myself wondering what it would be like , why they would risk their relationship for a fleeting moment with someone else . You see it on TV , in movies , and in ‘ real life ’ all the time . ‘ Loving In Sin ’ is a story of lust and attraction , and the agony one can go through if you fall for that person when you ’ re already committed “ A tear for the shame and a smile for love , now moving forward as below , so above ”.
I Serve Only Me : This song is a little weird . I ’ ve always played a jester-type roll on stage , an entertainer . I guess I learned that from my mum ( as you ’ ll have read in last month ’ s issue ). This was about me taking my power back : “ Oh ! Lucifer , I serve him not , though echoes surely show , that I serve only me , my dear , I put on quite a show ”. There are so many hidden meanings within this song that it would simply be too much to write here . It makes me laugh . It ’ s playful and fun and represents freedom . Whilst I play the harlequin and perform for others , I no longer seek their approval , and I do it for me . I have never felt confident enough to release a personal record before , but the pandemic gave me the autonomy to sit and physically write the album . ‘ Alchemy ’ is a piece of my heart and soul and a space where no one has been before . It ’ s an intimate record ; a cathartic process where I wrote songs that sign off the past and give me permission to move on .
I am excited to tell you for the first time ever , Jade and her band will take to the stage , launching and performing her debut album ‘ Alchemy ’ on 2.4.22 at Thornton Hough Village Club & Bar , performing some of the songs above . I cannot wait ! Jade will be supported by the wonderfully talented Cal Ruddy , who will showcase tracks from his previous album ‘ Ellison Place ’ and his new EP ‘ The EdenHurst Sessions ’. Doors are at 7pm , the show starts at 8pm and it ’ s a 12am bar . Tickets : www . jadethunder . com
I am really hoping to go – it will be my first night out in as long as I can remember . If you see me , I will be the mother in a complete pool of pride – be sure to say hello ! wirrallife . com 61